I read it back today and thought, "gosh, you sound like a right moany cow". I guess that's what sleeplessness does to you. The venting helped, though: for the first evening in too long I didn't bring the laptop to bed (or keep it within easy reach for when my better half drifted off to sleep). I was out like a light before midnight. Zzz...
Anyway, back to my moaning. I suppose what I was complaining about – researching the hell out of delectable dresses, gorgeous jewellery, sumptuous stationery and so on – might be heaven to some people. I know this because a part of me does find it heavenly. (Why else would I keep myself awake with it all?)
It's more the fact that I've never been someone who thought much about weddings before (other than hoping, as a guest, that the speeches were short and the drinks free). I've known for ages that I want to get married to my other half, but that was more about moving our relationship forward. It was never about the pouffy dress or the blingy ring.
I'm also not what you'd call a girly girl. I'm not really what you'd call a girl, in fact. I mean, I am female, don't get me wrong. I'm just a sometimes world-weary, mid-30s woman now, so I guess the 'princess' mentality has long disappeared, along with the Sindy dolls and My Little Ponies. Or so I thought......
Once that lovely little ring was popped on my finger, it all changed. It took a few days to really kick in, if I'm honest. I was too busy grinning like a loon and glancing down at my left hand 20 times a minute. But once the scale of the task ahead became clear, I was lost. First the fear: How will we pay for all this? Will anyone come? What if I can't lose the weight in time and he has to roll me down the aisle? And then the research. The never-ending research...
So, yes, my sudden unbridled obsession with all things weddingy has come as a bit of a shock. It's taken my new fiancé by surprise too. In fact, he had the temerity to utter the word "Bridezilla" today. Bridezilla?!!!?! How very dare he?!
But, as I said, the venting has helped me chill out a little about it all. Plus we made a provisional booking today at the reception venue. Ooh, where's my 'to do' list when I need it? I feel a big tick coming on... :)
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