The big dress dilemma

Forget my last post about not panicking. I was clearly under a state of denial.

Yesterday I had my first full-blown wedding panic attack. Well, okay, not an actual panic attack. But an attack of panic. And stress and upset.

It sounds ridiculous now, even to me, but I got in a tizz about the dress. The wedding is 10 months away, so I know I have ages to sort it out. Plus I'm trying to diet (8 pounds lost so far - yay!), so I wasn't planning to go to bridal shops or try anything on until October. But I'm also on a tight budget: I'm hoping to get something for around £300, which I know may not be easy, so I've been looking online. A lot.

As a result, I've discovered that I don't like 95% of wedding gowns. Well, alright, lots of them are exquisite, but I've dismissed them because I'm not a 5'10" size 8 goddess. I know my shape (kind of rectangular, apparently) and fortunately the style of dress I prefer - mermaid - suits it, ie fakes me a waist.

I've also discovered that I have quite expensive tastes. I don't like shiny satin or pouffy netting. I like lace. And lace ain't cheap. I also don't want a strapless dress, mainly because most dresses are, which puts me off a bit, and also because the wedding details so far have emerged (without any engineering by me) as quite '60s in style, so I wanted something a bit vintage-y. And vintage-y usually equals expensive-y.

So imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered a mermaid-style beaded lace wedding dress within my budget. Actually, £50 below my budget. It's on eBay, which did set alarm bells ringing. But the seller is a UK-based dressmaker with a proper website, including customer pics and testimonials. And I emailed her past eBay buyers who'd left feedback and I've had 100% positive responses. So all was looking good.

Until I got into the nitty-gritty of the dress's fabric and beading (I asked for samples, photos, descriptions). And to cut a long story short, I'm now worried that the final finish of the dress won't look as good as the pictures suggest. Cue the attack of panic.

To top it all off, one of my bridesmaids emailed me about a pair of shoes she'd like to wear for the wedding (we're paying for the dresses but the girls are sorting their accessories). The shoes are lovely: silver satin peep-toes, £110. I emailed back saying they were gorgeous and to go for it.

And then I felt even more awful. It took me a few hours to figure out why, and then it hit me. There I was fretting over a £250 dress and taking a gamble over the quality and so on, when my bridesmaids were picking out fabulous shoes that cost nearly half as much. My own bridal shoes probably won't cost 50 quid! So I added a load of self-pity onto the panic.

And that wasn't actually the worst part. Okay, so I wrote off a weekend with worry, fretting and gloom. But today I discussed my concerns with the dressmaker and she is happy to make some adjustments to the beading, swapping out the cheaper sequins for more expensive crystals. (I'll have to pay a bit extra, but I don't mind that.)

No, the worst part is that, during my weekend of panic, I went and looked at a whole load of other wedding dresses. And I found myself a different one. This dress is from a 'proper' bridal gown designer, is also mermaid style, taffeta with lace appliqué, and a very '60s neckline (sweetheart with slightly off-the-shoulder straps). However, it's only available in the US and, after import duties and such like, would be double my budget!

However, it is gorgeous and of course is on a fabulous looking model (who probably weighs the same as my left leg!), whereas the eBay one is pictured on a dressmaker's dummy, so just doesn't have the same appeal by comparison. The dress that I was over-the-moon excited about last week, now looks just a slight bit mumsy. Mumsy! Who wants to look mumsy on their wedding day?!!

So now I'm stuck. Do I order the eBay one anyway, and hope for the best? Or do I bust my budget and splash out on the other one (which is also a gamble in itself, as I can't try it on or see before I buy either)? Or do I forget them both, and go down the old-fashioned route of bridal-shop shopping?

And this from a grown woman who lives in jeans and trainers. I'm not sure I can take 10 months of this!!!

Weddings: a weighty issue

So, yet again, I have neglected this blog. Oops...

To be honest, I was struggling with an idea of what to write about - well, an idea that's in keeping with the blog's title, anyway.

I didn't feel like I was panicking, you see. The venue and church are booked, as are the band and photographer. I've even started working on our wedding stationery. And the wedding is still over 10 months away. It has seemed like a stress-free zone.

But it came to me in a 'eureka' moment in the bath the other day (how very Archimedes of me). I was pondering my naked form and the fact that I really have to shed quite a bit of weight before the big day. I worked out that even if I diet and exercise properly for the next 10 months, I'll - at best - drop just two dress sizes (and even then I'll still be a curvy lady).

Now, that's not a bad thing - in fact, if I can pull it off, I'll be delighted. I've been trying to diet on and off for the past couple of years, with some success. However, each time I've run out of steam after a few months, and slowly but surely all my hard work is undone.

But here's the thing: I've never gotten married before. The prospect of being centre of attention all day in a fabulous spangley dress is one hell of a motivator if you so choose. And I have so chose. My diet started on 28 June and I have lost six pounds so far. (Woo!)

However, I didn't handle the scary prospect of squeezing into a fabulous dress so well to begin with. Which brings me back to my 'eureka' moment. I got engaged on 1 May, and started my diet just over two weeks ago. So what was I doing the previous eight weeks, I asked myself amid the Radox bubbles. Yep, I was panicking about dieting. And what do I do when I panic? I eat. Genius.

The most messed-up thing is that I didn't even realise I was panicking about it. (Ingesting half a packet of chocolate HobNobs in one sitting must have some kind of amnesiatic effect...) So while I've been congratulating myself on getting over my initial freak out, and actually enjoying the process of planning our wedding, in fact I've been more stressed and panicked about one particular aspect than anything else.

I'm just hoping I've got it all out of my system now. Otherwise watch out Tesco's: I'll be heading for your biscuit aisle...