Dress 3.0

It was just over a week ago that I wrote about my recent stresses over dieting and 'The Dress'.

No change with the diet situation – it's going great. I've lost a few more pounds since then and, alongside two-mile walks every lunchbreak (and longer walks on weekends), I've just started a zumba class.

That nearly killed me. I've tried zumba on Nintendo Wii before, and it's great. But it doesn't prepare you for the insanity of a hyperactive Louis Spence-style instructor and the feeling that you're going to vomit in front of a packed gym studio through sheer physical exhaustion!

Actually, it was brilliant, and – despite the 'oof!'s, 'ouch!'es and aches since – I'll be glad to go back for more next week.

So, no, this update has nothing to do with the diet, but everything to do with the dress.

Having mentally ditched the first dress I bought, I had Plan B all set up: an elegant 'princess' style number in tulle from a well-rated Chinese company. A lovely dress, for sure, and only £130 (plus taxes) – but also another risk, as it involved ordering something I'd never tried on and would likely have to pay someone to adjust.

But I was willing to go for it, knowing that my budget was tight and wouldn't allow me to go down the bridal shop route – plus any bridal shop owner would shoo me out of the door once they heard I have just three months and three weeks until the big day!

However, that was until I saw The Dress. Oh, man, did I ever see The Dress! Light ivory silk, sweetheart neckline with off-the-shoulder cap sleeves, nipped in with a gathered sash at the waist, finished off with a flowing, pleated full-length skirt – a classic early 1960s silhouette and style.

Of course, this dress, I rapidly discovered, costs the best part of £2,000 – and is only stocked in places that require a plane journey. I discovered this after a mad moment of insanity when I emailed the designer personally, 'just in case'. Lovely lady, she replied the same day and gave me a much-needed jolt of reality.

Still, I couldn't get that gorgeous dress out of my head. That was the kind of dress I was supposed to wear on my wedding day. I could see it would flatter my shape beautifully, and – hooray! – it would also complement the vaguely Mad Men theme of the wedding.

So what to do? Well, after a couple of days – and nights – fretting about it, I finally remembered an online forum poster who had recommended a company that made bespoke wedding dresses at, allegedly, an affordable price.

So that got me thinking... I didn't want an outright copy of the dress – that didn't sit comfortably. And actually there were elements about the dress that I would have preferred not to have, such as a diamanté buckle attached to the sash and fabric bows attached to the cap sleeves.

So I decided that I could use the dress as inspiration and sketch out a design that worked for me, and see if this company could a) make it at a price I could afford and b) make it in three months.

And to cut a long story a teeny bit shorter, yes they can! It's tight on both fronts: it's completely killed our budget and has meant we're now saving absolutely every spare bit of cash right up to the big day – and it'll be ready barely two weeks before we get married.

But, actually, it's the best wedding decision I've made so far. Meeting with a proper dressmaker, having proper fittings, and generally feeling secure in the fact that someone who cares about what they do is taking charge of one of the most important aspects of the day – well, it's worth every single penny. I now have no more doubts about how I'll look and how I'll feel. I cannot wait to see it and wear it – and feel amazing.

In other words: Woo hooooo!!! :D

My sketch of The Dress!

The dreaded D words

Are you there reader? It's me, panicked bride...

It's been a while since my last confession. Christmas happened, of course, so that proved a slight distraction. And January has been flying by. Time for a little update.

The big issues of the moment are Diet and Dress stress. I'd get a cup of tea if I were you. This may take a while....

A bit less jiggle in my wiggle
Like many brides-to-be blessed with some junk in the trunk, my wedding diet has had some ups and downs.

Christmas was a killer, as always. My good intentions abandoned me entirely, and I didn't come back to my senses until seven (seven!!!) pounds later. New year's day, I headed back onto the righteous path of healthy eating and haven't stopped since. Three weeks later, I've just about clawed myself back to the same weight I was pre-Christmas (20 pounds lost in total - woo hoo!) but that hasn't stopped plenty of panicking about the fact that I'm way behind my original goal of losing a total of three to four stone by the end of May.

In fact, up to now I've been too scared to work out what my new weight target should realistically be. Right, time to be brave, so here goes....

Ha! If only... (assuming that's pounds not kilos!)

Okay ... *brings up Calculator and Calendar apps*  ... from today I have just over 18 weeks until I get married. Based on an optimistic-but-not-impossible 1.5 pounds a week, that's 25 pounds. A total of 45 pounds lost would be 3.2 stone.

Actually, that's not as bad as I thought! I know 1.5 pounds a week will be hard going, though. It's been my average weekly weight loss so far while dieting, but I can imagine there'll be times when my body, brain and/or chocolate cravings refuse to co-operate. Still, better to try and fail than not try at all!

The big dress dilemma (part 2)

Ok, so I wrote back in July about my worries about The Dress. My budget is small, and so I quickly ruled out the traditional bridal shop experience. I decided my choices were either ordering from the States to try and get a designer dress for around half the price, or order from a UK eBay seller that I could (hopefully) trust.

Both options had the same risk, more or less: buying a dress I'd never tried on. I showed pics of both dresses to lots of people, and overall the eBay one seemed like the best bet. After checking with previous customers, getting swatches and so on, I put the order in, and two months later my dress arrived.

It looked lovely: exactly what I'd asked for. I tried it on, knowing it wouldn't fit – I'd ordered the thing two dress sizes smaller. However, even with that in mind, I quickly realised that it might not fit me even if I hit my weight loss goals. I have quite a long torso, and the bodice on the dress just didn't sit right around my arms and bust, even allowing for the extra curves at the time! I even got my size 8 sister to try it on and it sat funny on her as well.

That said, I'm sure it's not completely impossible to take the dress to a dressmaker once I'm a bit closer to my slimming goal and get them to work their magic on it. I'm not sure how they can lengthen the straps, but I do have some spare material (from the awful bolero jacket I asked the eBay seller to make, to match the dress – it didn't turn out well).

That's not my main problem, however. Since I bought the dress, our Mad Men/1960s theme has really taken shape. There's the bridesmaid dresses, which I've linked to before:

I've designed our stationery using typefaces used during the period, and I've booked The Vintage Salon in Birmingham to create '60s-inspired styles for me and the bridesmaids. The men will be wearing smart, modern grey suits, and overall it should look pretty darn cool.

By comparison, I fear the dress will look a bit, well, crap. It's light champagne in colour, in beaded lace. And the shape, while definitely classic, couldn't really be called 1960s. It's still a lovely dress. But I'm worried I won't feel as special as all the other details I've spent so much time over.

So what to do? Well, I have a plan. I'm going to keep on my dieting path and try on the dress in March to see how it's fitting and whether I'm happier with it. It not, well then it's onto Plan B.

And what's Plan B? Well, it's to order the exact opposite kind of dress I thought I wanted. Crazy, huh?

You see, being in my mid-30s, one of my first thoughts as an engaged lady was that I didn't want to go too OTT bridal. In fact, I'm sure I rambled on about that in one of my first posts.

Well, since then I've kind of had a rethink: namely, you only do this once (I truly hope!) so why not embrace it? That thought coincided with me spotting this dress:

Okay, so it's not 100% 1960s in style (I don't have the ankles for a proper Audrey Hepburn number). But it's definitely more in keeping with the era, and I think it could look lovely next to my bridesmaids' dresses. Assuming, of course, it looks lovely on me... And – bonus – even with import taxes it'll be under £200.

The bad news is that it's the same old gamble: buying a dress I've never tried on. In fact, I've never worn a dress that looks anything like this. So I've decided to do the bridal shop experience after all, if only to see if I would feel comfortable in such a bridal-y wedding dress – and to make sure I don't look like a toilet roll dolly. Assuming that goes well, I guess I'll take the gamble – again. At least I won't be too much out of pocket, whatever the outcome.

On that note, I think that's enough rambling for one update. I'll try to get back to more regular transmissions from now on. Only 18 weeks to go!!

Wedding envy

Okay, first a wee update. My dress dramas are, just about, done with. After a lot of thought, web research and changing my mind one way and back again, I decided to stick with dress number 1.

I won't bore you with the details, but essentially I weighed up the pros and cons, and dress number 1 won out. Plus – and this is what swung it – my H2B said I can sell it on eBay if I don't love it and buy a 'proper' bridal-shop dress, budget be damned. Ha, easy to say now, darling man. I wonder if you'll be as generous-spirited when the time comes?

So the dress is ordered and I'll know whether it was the right decision in a couple of months. One thing the whole experience has taught me, though, is to chill the heck out! This wedding is still over nine months away, and I'll drive myself insane if I freak out like that over every little thing that could go wrong. As long as me and my mister end up married at the end of the day, then it'll all be all right, right?

That attempt at sanguinity, however, doesn't stop me from obsessing over all the details of the day. Obsessing in a good way, mostly. My Pinterest boards are filling up with gorgeous wedding-y pics and I'm even acquiring a few followers (yay me!).

And I'm now no longer a wedding forum lurker - in fact, I'm a bit of a regular on one particular board. I joined a wedding weight loss thread, and it's been pretty inspiring. I am now a reasonably adept Zumba-er and am also seven days into the 30-Day Shred DVD (my own personal hell-in-my-living-room, but hopefully worth it!).

So, update out of the way, and back to the real subject of this post: wedding envy.

As I'm sure many other engaged ladies have experienced, wedding planning is like being a little kid faced with a wall of pic 'n' mix and just one small cup to fill. There is so much choice! Colour schemes, themes – picking just one style for the day can seem impossible.

Actually, it was pretty easy at first: the navy and silver colours were established early on, thanks to the reception chairs. (I ain't ashamed to admit it.) And, as I mentioned in my last post, the styling has emerged as being quite '60s: the bridesmaid dresses are very Audrey Hepburn…

Alfred Sung, D448, in midnight

… the stationery typography is kind of Bewitched (the '60s TV series, not the denim-clad girl group), the wedding car we have our eye on is a 1960s Daimler, and while my wedding dress isn't strictly '60s, it could definitely be styled that way. It's all falling into place.

So we have our 'theme'. Great, I can relax, right? But nooooooo…  You see, ever since wedding fever took hold of me, I've developed a ceaseless appetite for looking at photos of other weddings. And it's putting my brain into overload.

I'll be honest: call me a snob, but the pouffy dress and pink shiny bridesmaids thing doesn't do much for me. Instead, I'm all about those simple yet impeccably detailed weddings that feature on the likes of ruffledblog. Think vintage lace bridal gowns, messy side buns pinned with roses, powder-blue chiffon bridesmaid dresses, wildflower bouquets, adorable, hand-made wedding favours, a photogenic bride and groom holding hands and looking wistful in a meadow…. You get the picture.

And every time I look at one of these perfect weddings, I'm like that Little Britain character: "I want that one!" It doesn't matter that it wouldn't 'go' with everything else we've decided on for our wedding, or if it's way beyond our budget. For a few moments, I get all green-eyed monster-ish and wish that our wedding reception wasn't in a hotel, but instead in a Midsummer Night's Dream-esque woodland, or that the invitations weren't smart pocketfolds but instead lovingly crafted out of antique maps and doilies.

Okay, it's completely irrational. Everyone has their own tastes. But the thing is, I've never been very good at accessorising. I've always envied the kind of women who, like my best friend (and maid of honour), can throw together a seemingly random selection of layers, scarves and jewellery and look fabulous. Me, I'd look like a walking jumble sale.

And I suppose it's the same for weddings. I know I have decent, simple tastes – my H2B is the same – and navy and silver with the odd '60s detail should look quite classy. But part of me longs to be the kind of bride-to-be who can gather an assortment of seemingly random yet beautiful details and create the perfect vintage-style wedding.

So going back to that kid-in-a-sweetshop metaphor... I guess I'll have to make do with my simple pic 'n' mix cup, and try not to get too distracted by the delicious-looking bon bons or frosted sherbert pips. This wedding will still be yummy, and – for better or for worse – very 'us'.

The big dress dilemma

Forget my last post about not panicking. I was clearly under a state of denial.

Yesterday I had my first full-blown wedding panic attack. Well, okay, not an actual panic attack. But an attack of panic. And stress and upset.

It sounds ridiculous now, even to me, but I got in a tizz about the dress. The wedding is 10 months away, so I know I have ages to sort it out. Plus I'm trying to diet (8 pounds lost so far - yay!), so I wasn't planning to go to bridal shops or try anything on until October. But I'm also on a tight budget: I'm hoping to get something for around £300, which I know may not be easy, so I've been looking online. A lot.

As a result, I've discovered that I don't like 95% of wedding gowns. Well, alright, lots of them are exquisite, but I've dismissed them because I'm not a 5'10" size 8 goddess. I know my shape (kind of rectangular, apparently) and fortunately the style of dress I prefer - mermaid - suits it, ie fakes me a waist.

I've also discovered that I have quite expensive tastes. I don't like shiny satin or pouffy netting. I like lace. And lace ain't cheap. I also don't want a strapless dress, mainly because most dresses are, which puts me off a bit, and also because the wedding details so far have emerged (without any engineering by me) as quite '60s in style, so I wanted something a bit vintage-y. And vintage-y usually equals expensive-y.

So imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered a mermaid-style beaded lace wedding dress within my budget. Actually, £50 below my budget. It's on eBay, which did set alarm bells ringing. But the seller is a UK-based dressmaker with a proper website, including customer pics and testimonials. And I emailed her past eBay buyers who'd left feedback and I've had 100% positive responses. So all was looking good.

Until I got into the nitty-gritty of the dress's fabric and beading (I asked for samples, photos, descriptions). And to cut a long story short, I'm now worried that the final finish of the dress won't look as good as the pictures suggest. Cue the attack of panic.

To top it all off, one of my bridesmaids emailed me about a pair of shoes she'd like to wear for the wedding (we're paying for the dresses but the girls are sorting their accessories). The shoes are lovely: silver satin peep-toes, £110. I emailed back saying they were gorgeous and to go for it.

And then I felt even more awful. It took me a few hours to figure out why, and then it hit me. There I was fretting over a £250 dress and taking a gamble over the quality and so on, when my bridesmaids were picking out fabulous shoes that cost nearly half as much. My own bridal shoes probably won't cost 50 quid! So I added a load of self-pity onto the panic.

And that wasn't actually the worst part. Okay, so I wrote off a weekend with worry, fretting and gloom. But today I discussed my concerns with the dressmaker and she is happy to make some adjustments to the beading, swapping out the cheaper sequins for more expensive crystals. (I'll have to pay a bit extra, but I don't mind that.)

No, the worst part is that, during my weekend of panic, I went and looked at a whole load of other wedding dresses. And I found myself a different one. This dress is from a 'proper' bridal gown designer, is also mermaid style, taffeta with lace appliqué, and a very '60s neckline (sweetheart with slightly off-the-shoulder straps). However, it's only available in the US and, after import duties and such like, would be double my budget!

However, it is gorgeous and of course is on a fabulous looking model (who probably weighs the same as my left leg!), whereas the eBay one is pictured on a dressmaker's dummy, so just doesn't have the same appeal by comparison. The dress that I was over-the-moon excited about last week, now looks just a slight bit mumsy. Mumsy! Who wants to look mumsy on their wedding day?!!

So now I'm stuck. Do I order the eBay one anyway, and hope for the best? Or do I bust my budget and splash out on the other one (which is also a gamble in itself, as I can't try it on or see before I buy either)? Or do I forget them both, and go down the old-fashioned route of bridal-shop shopping?

And this from a grown woman who lives in jeans and trainers. I'm not sure I can take 10 months of this!!!

Weddings: a weighty issue

So, yet again, I have neglected this blog. Oops...

To be honest, I was struggling with an idea of what to write about - well, an idea that's in keeping with the blog's title, anyway.

I didn't feel like I was panicking, you see. The venue and church are booked, as are the band and photographer. I've even started working on our wedding stationery. And the wedding is still over 10 months away. It has seemed like a stress-free zone.

But it came to me in a 'eureka' moment in the bath the other day (how very Archimedes of me). I was pondering my naked form and the fact that I really have to shed quite a bit of weight before the big day. I worked out that even if I diet and exercise properly for the next 10 months, I'll - at best - drop just two dress sizes (and even then I'll still be a curvy lady).

Now, that's not a bad thing - in fact, if I can pull it off, I'll be delighted. I've been trying to diet on and off for the past couple of years, with some success. However, each time I've run out of steam after a few months, and slowly but surely all my hard work is undone.

But here's the thing: I've never gotten married before. The prospect of being centre of attention all day in a fabulous spangley dress is one hell of a motivator if you so choose. And I have so chose. My diet started on 28 June and I have lost six pounds so far. (Woo!)

However, I didn't handle the scary prospect of squeezing into a fabulous dress so well to begin with. Which brings me back to my 'eureka' moment. I got engaged on 1 May, and started my diet just over two weeks ago. So what was I doing the previous eight weeks, I asked myself amid the Radox bubbles. Yep, I was panicking about dieting. And what do I do when I panic? I eat. Genius.

The most messed-up thing is that I didn't even realise I was panicking about it. (Ingesting half a packet of chocolate HobNobs in one sitting must have some kind of amnesiatic effect...) So while I've been congratulating myself on getting over my initial freak out, and actually enjoying the process of planning our wedding, in fact I've been more stressed and panicked about one particular aspect than anything else.

I'm just hoping I've got it all out of my system now. Otherwise watch out Tesco's: I'll be heading for your biscuit aisle...