The big guest list dilemma

There comes a point in a bride-to-be's planning whirlwind when the fun details of colour schemes and stationery must take a back seat.

As much as I'd prefer to ignore them, there are also the boring, fiddley details to work out. For us, that includes things like:

• giving notice at the registry office – and since we don't live in the town we're getting married in, that brings along a whole raft of extra faffy bits to figure out;
• participating in our church-organised wedding preparation class – probably best saved for another post, that one!; and
• agreeing on the guest list

Now, when I started on the road to planning this wedding, I didn't think the guest list would be a big deal. I do have a big extended family, but everyone knows we have a tight budget, and it didn't seem like we were under any pressure from either of our parents to make sure that Aunt Sue's cousin's uncle's long-lost brother had an invitation.

Surprisingly, the guest list pressure has come from two different sources:

1. Other family members who expressed surprise and concern when I mentioned that certain cousins weren't invited or certain family friends had been 'relegated' to the evening guest list (to make room for those cousins!); and
2. Symmetry/being fair - in other words, when I realised that I couldn't invite a load of cousins from one side of the family and not invite at least some from the other side (even though I'm barely in touch with them). Or when I realised that it would be tricky to invite one cousin and not invite their siblings (again, even though I hardly see them).

Of course, the sensible, pre-bride-to-be person that I was would say "Pfft!" to both points. Just invite who you want. And it's sensible advice.

But in reality I don't want this wedding to create any family discord – in fact, I'd love to be able to reconnect with parts of the family that I've lost touch with. And what better way to do that than a joyful occasion such as a wedding?

But guests cost money, as anyone planning a wedding knows. For every extra person we invite beyond our original budget, it costs us at least £55. Multiply that by all my cousins and, well, the budget starts looking more like wishful thinking than sensible projection.

Ignorance is bliss (while it lasts)

When we first got engaged, me and my H2B had quite different ideas on what it would cost. He thought around £5,000 would do it; I thought it would be more like £7,000. Then we started pricing up venues and realised that we'd be lucky to do it for less than £8,000 all in. That was based on around 70-80 day guests and maybe 10-20 evening guests.

We were lucky with our venue, however: it's just the kind of place I was hoping for (an elegant hotel) but somehow doesn't cost the earth. It was one of only two places that I found in our budget in the local area, and the other one has a reputation for keeping its guests awake with loud discos in the downstairs bar until 3am. Not so great for my 70-year-old dad!

But even with getting a reasonable rate on a lovely venue, with the guest list creeping up and up, our budget has crept up too, so now we're looking at around £9,000. That's almost guaranteed to put us in a small amount of debt, which we were both hoping to avoid.

That all said, however, I do keep reminding myself that we'll only do this once. It really will be worth it if we can pull off a brilliant day and night, and in the process generate a stack of fantastic memories as well as become a bit closer to both our families.

I will still need to run yet another rule over the guest list before the invitations go out, just in case there are any other 'savings' I can make. (And that's after having done so several times already!) Hopefully I can avoid putting too many noses out of joint in the process...