What's in a wordle...

I came across a fun website recently, wordle, which creates instant, customisable word clouds of a piece of text, RSS feed or blog. 

Here's mine for my blog so far (in our wedding colours, ha!). 

I'm slightly alarmed at the prominence of the word 'like' – seems a bit limp really! Mind you, I guess it's a good thing that the word 'panic' is relatively small. 

No surprise about the biggest word overall, of course: 'wedding'. Nor the second-biggest: 'dress'. I'll try this again in a few months' time, to see what I'm fussing over then...

Wedding envy

Okay, first a wee update. My dress dramas are, just about, done with. After a lot of thought, web research and changing my mind one way and back again, I decided to stick with dress number 1.

I won't bore you with the details, but essentially I weighed up the pros and cons, and dress number 1 won out. Plus – and this is what swung it – my H2B said I can sell it on eBay if I don't love it and buy a 'proper' bridal-shop dress, budget be damned. Ha, easy to say now, darling man. I wonder if you'll be as generous-spirited when the time comes?

So the dress is ordered and I'll know whether it was the right decision in a couple of months. One thing the whole experience has taught me, though, is to chill the heck out! This wedding is still over nine months away, and I'll drive myself insane if I freak out like that over every little thing that could go wrong. As long as me and my mister end up married at the end of the day, then it'll all be all right, right?

That attempt at sanguinity, however, doesn't stop me from obsessing over all the details of the day. Obsessing in a good way, mostly. My Pinterest boards are filling up with gorgeous wedding-y pics and I'm even acquiring a few followers (yay me!).

And I'm now no longer a wedding forum lurker - in fact, I'm a bit of a regular on one particular board. I joined a wedding weight loss thread, and it's been pretty inspiring. I am now a reasonably adept Zumba-er and am also seven days into the 30-Day Shred DVD (my own personal hell-in-my-living-room, but hopefully worth it!).

So, update out of the way, and back to the real subject of this post: wedding envy.

As I'm sure many other engaged ladies have experienced, wedding planning is like being a little kid faced with a wall of pic 'n' mix and just one small cup to fill. There is so much choice! Colour schemes, themes – picking just one style for the day can seem impossible.

Actually, it was pretty easy at first: the navy and silver colours were established early on, thanks to the reception chairs. (I ain't ashamed to admit it.) And, as I mentioned in my last post, the styling has emerged as being quite '60s: the bridesmaid dresses are very Audrey Hepburn…

Alfred Sung, D448, in midnight

… the stationery typography is kind of Bewitched (the '60s TV series, not the denim-clad girl group), the wedding car we have our eye on is a 1960s Daimler, and while my wedding dress isn't strictly '60s, it could definitely be styled that way. It's all falling into place.

So we have our 'theme'. Great, I can relax, right? But nooooooo…  You see, ever since wedding fever took hold of me, I've developed a ceaseless appetite for looking at photos of other weddings. And it's putting my brain into overload.

I'll be honest: call me a snob, but the pouffy dress and pink shiny bridesmaids thing doesn't do much for me. Instead, I'm all about those simple yet impeccably detailed weddings that feature on the likes of ruffledblog. Think vintage lace bridal gowns, messy side buns pinned with roses, powder-blue chiffon bridesmaid dresses, wildflower bouquets, adorable, hand-made wedding favours, a photogenic bride and groom holding hands and looking wistful in a meadow…. You get the picture.

And every time I look at one of these perfect weddings, I'm like that Little Britain character: "I want that one!" It doesn't matter that it wouldn't 'go' with everything else we've decided on for our wedding, or if it's way beyond our budget. For a few moments, I get all green-eyed monster-ish and wish that our wedding reception wasn't in a hotel, but instead in a Midsummer Night's Dream-esque woodland, or that the invitations weren't smart pocketfolds but instead lovingly crafted out of antique maps and doilies.

Okay, it's completely irrational. Everyone has their own tastes. But the thing is, I've never been very good at accessorising. I've always envied the kind of women who, like my best friend (and maid of honour), can throw together a seemingly random selection of layers, scarves and jewellery and look fabulous. Me, I'd look like a walking jumble sale.

And I suppose it's the same for weddings. I know I have decent, simple tastes – my H2B is the same – and navy and silver with the odd '60s detail should look quite classy. But part of me longs to be the kind of bride-to-be who can gather an assortment of seemingly random yet beautiful details and create the perfect vintage-style wedding.

So going back to that kid-in-a-sweetshop metaphor... I guess I'll have to make do with my simple pic 'n' mix cup, and try not to get too distracted by the delicious-looking bon bons or frosted sherbert pips. This wedding will still be yummy, and – for better or for worse – very 'us'.

The big dress dilemma

Forget my last post about not panicking. I was clearly under a state of denial.

Yesterday I had my first full-blown wedding panic attack. Well, okay, not an actual panic attack. But an attack of panic. And stress and upset.

It sounds ridiculous now, even to me, but I got in a tizz about the dress. The wedding is 10 months away, so I know I have ages to sort it out. Plus I'm trying to diet (8 pounds lost so far - yay!), so I wasn't planning to go to bridal shops or try anything on until October. But I'm also on a tight budget: I'm hoping to get something for around £300, which I know may not be easy, so I've been looking online. A lot.

As a result, I've discovered that I don't like 95% of wedding gowns. Well, alright, lots of them are exquisite, but I've dismissed them because I'm not a 5'10" size 8 goddess. I know my shape (kind of rectangular, apparently) and fortunately the style of dress I prefer - mermaid - suits it, ie fakes me a waist.

I've also discovered that I have quite expensive tastes. I don't like shiny satin or pouffy netting. I like lace. And lace ain't cheap. I also don't want a strapless dress, mainly because most dresses are, which puts me off a bit, and also because the wedding details so far have emerged (without any engineering by me) as quite '60s in style, so I wanted something a bit vintage-y. And vintage-y usually equals expensive-y.

So imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered a mermaid-style beaded lace wedding dress within my budget. Actually, £50 below my budget. It's on eBay, which did set alarm bells ringing. But the seller is a UK-based dressmaker with a proper website, including customer pics and testimonials. And I emailed her past eBay buyers who'd left feedback and I've had 100% positive responses. So all was looking good.

Until I got into the nitty-gritty of the dress's fabric and beading (I asked for samples, photos, descriptions). And to cut a long story short, I'm now worried that the final finish of the dress won't look as good as the pictures suggest. Cue the attack of panic.

To top it all off, one of my bridesmaids emailed me about a pair of shoes she'd like to wear for the wedding (we're paying for the dresses but the girls are sorting their accessories). The shoes are lovely: silver satin peep-toes, £110. I emailed back saying they were gorgeous and to go for it.

And then I felt even more awful. It took me a few hours to figure out why, and then it hit me. There I was fretting over a £250 dress and taking a gamble over the quality and so on, when my bridesmaids were picking out fabulous shoes that cost nearly half as much. My own bridal shoes probably won't cost 50 quid! So I added a load of self-pity onto the panic.

And that wasn't actually the worst part. Okay, so I wrote off a weekend with worry, fretting and gloom. But today I discussed my concerns with the dressmaker and she is happy to make some adjustments to the beading, swapping out the cheaper sequins for more expensive crystals. (I'll have to pay a bit extra, but I don't mind that.)

No, the worst part is that, during my weekend of panic, I went and looked at a whole load of other wedding dresses. And I found myself a different one. This dress is from a 'proper' bridal gown designer, is also mermaid style, taffeta with lace appliqué, and a very '60s neckline (sweetheart with slightly off-the-shoulder straps). However, it's only available in the US and, after import duties and such like, would be double my budget!

However, it is gorgeous and of course is on a fabulous looking model (who probably weighs the same as my left leg!), whereas the eBay one is pictured on a dressmaker's dummy, so just doesn't have the same appeal by comparison. The dress that I was over-the-moon excited about last week, now looks just a slight bit mumsy. Mumsy! Who wants to look mumsy on their wedding day?!!

So now I'm stuck. Do I order the eBay one anyway, and hope for the best? Or do I bust my budget and splash out on the other one (which is also a gamble in itself, as I can't try it on or see before I buy either)? Or do I forget them both, and go down the old-fashioned route of bridal-shop shopping?

And this from a grown woman who lives in jeans and trainers. I'm not sure I can take 10 months of this!!!

Weddings: a weighty issue

So, yet again, I have neglected this blog. Oops...

To be honest, I was struggling with an idea of what to write about - well, an idea that's in keeping with the blog's title, anyway.

I didn't feel like I was panicking, you see. The venue and church are booked, as are the band and photographer. I've even started working on our wedding stationery. And the wedding is still over 10 months away. It has seemed like a stress-free zone.

But it came to me in a 'eureka' moment in the bath the other day (how very Archimedes of me). I was pondering my naked form and the fact that I really have to shed quite a bit of weight before the big day. I worked out that even if I diet and exercise properly for the next 10 months, I'll - at best - drop just two dress sizes (and even then I'll still be a curvy lady).

Now, that's not a bad thing - in fact, if I can pull it off, I'll be delighted. I've been trying to diet on and off for the past couple of years, with some success. However, each time I've run out of steam after a few months, and slowly but surely all my hard work is undone.

But here's the thing: I've never gotten married before. The prospect of being centre of attention all day in a fabulous spangley dress is one hell of a motivator if you so choose. And I have so chose. My diet started on 28 June and I have lost six pounds so far. (Woo!)

However, I didn't handle the scary prospect of squeezing into a fabulous dress so well to begin with. Which brings me back to my 'eureka' moment. I got engaged on 1 May, and started my diet just over two weeks ago. So what was I doing the previous eight weeks, I asked myself amid the Radox bubbles. Yep, I was panicking about dieting. And what do I do when I panic? I eat. Genius.

The most messed-up thing is that I didn't even realise I was panicking about it. (Ingesting half a packet of chocolate HobNobs in one sitting must have some kind of amnesiatic effect...) So while I've been congratulating myself on getting over my initial freak out, and actually enjoying the process of planning our wedding, in fact I've been more stressed and panicked about one particular aspect than anything else.

I'm just hoping I've got it all out of my system now. Otherwise watch out Tesco's: I'll be heading for your biscuit aisle...

The insanity of co-ordination

Forgive me reader, it's been nearly a month since my last confession...

Alas, I fell into my predicted teenage diary trap and pushed this blog to the back of my to-do list for a few weeks. I did move house during that time, however, so I'm not going to feel too guilty.

In fact, moving house was great, as it meant I could channel all my comparison shopping/online research urges into more practical and/or immediate things, like curtains, cushions and kitchen bins. Two weeks in the new place, and we're pretty much sorted. Plus, I figure if I* can turn a studenty, tired-looking flat into a cosy-yet-sophisticated home for two in that amount of time, a wedding will be a cinch, right?

* Okay, H2B, aka Dave, had something to do with it, but that was mostly along the lines of installing a working smoke alarm and putting flatpack furniture together. I consider myself a feminist of sorts, but you gotta play to your strengths!

So, yes, back to the wedding, and to the title of this blog post... I had a colour scheme in mind pretty soon after I started my burning-the-midnight-oil web research, namely: teal, gold and ivory. Well, I kind of stole it from a blog poster on one of the many forums I dip in and out of (so far always a lurker, never a poster).

It wasn't a complete theft: I already knew I wanted teal (my fave colour for years) but didn't know what to pair it with, and this seemed pretty nice. However, a little gremlin in my head (let's call him Co-ordi-Nathan) started whispering that my engagement ring is in white gold, not yellow gold, so that wouldn't really go. A sane person would roll their eyes and point out that a tiny thing like that shouldn't be a worry. So I dismissed it and carried on looking at teal bridesmaid dresses (comparing in great detail the exact shade of teal in each range, I kid you not!) and pondering how to bring in the gold aspect.

Anyway, we went to see the wedding reception venue a few weeks ago – an elegant but not OTT (ie tacky or snooty) independently run hotel. Just the kind of place I'd been hoping for – and within our budget. The room where we're having our do is lovely, plus the neutral walls and floors weren't troubling Co-ordi-Nathan one bit. However, I also wanted to get a good look at the chairs, as I was trying to decide whether to bother with the expense of covering them. The chairs are lovely too actually: upholstered in very dark blue-almost-black material, with matte silver metal legs and trim.

I decided that covering the chairs was an unnecessary expense. Great, that's about £300 saved, I thought! But then that pesky gremlin started fretting about the gold in my colour scheme clashing with the silver chairs. Plus, going with silver would mean my engagement ring would match. And maybe dark navy would go nicer with silver than teal...

So, yes, it's official: my new colour scheme is dark navy† and silver. I am matching my bridesmaids' outfits with the reception venue chairs. Chairs!! Have I reached a new level of wedding insanity?

† Well, I'm calling it midnight blue. Navy sounds like school uniforms...