Embracing the madness

It's been a little while since my last post, and I had myself a flashback to my teenage diary-keeping days. And I do mean actual days: usually the 1st, 2nd and maybe 5th of January. After that, the procrastination and consequent guilt would kick in, with maybe a half-arsed diary entry in mid-February and then nothing. I could wallpaper my house with all the pristine sheets of unused notebooks I've wasted over the years.

Anyway, I'm pleased (and relieved) to find that the blogging urge has taken hold again, so here I am. And I have to admit that I have a slightly different mindset than I had when I wrote my first couple of posts. The goggle-eyed terror of planning this wedding has actually receded a bit. I still feel the panic from time to time, but it's a bit more manageable somehow. I think I'm actually starting to enjoy this!

I have a sneaky suspicion that this change may have something to do with the fact that we confirmed both the church and the reception venue this week – woo hoo!!! They're booked for 364 days from today, in fact. One whole year away. I can manage to plan and execute this thing by then, surely?

One other thing that is helping in a smaller but infinitely enjoyable way is a recent discovery of mine: pinterest.com. It's a genius way to catalogue all the weddingy things online that I've come across, whether that's from online stores or other blogs. You 'pin' a picture you like from a website, and that gets added to your board (or one of many boards that you can set up). Here's a sneaky peek at mine:

I've started by collating all my wedding 'inspiration' onto one board, but further down the line I might reorganise that into separate boards, eg dresses, table decorations, flowers and so on.

The best part about Pinterest is that it removes one of my panic triggers: that I'll see some perfect dress, colour scheme or bouquet online and forget to bookmark it. And my bookmarks folder is already heaving at the seams, so the genuinely good stuff will probably get lost among the over-priced tat that keeps catching my eye (yes, I'm talking about you, er, well-known wedding website). This way, I've got instant visual reminders (which, if you click on one, takes you straight to the website you got the image from). Plus I can add useful details, such as price, to the caption too. Perfect!

One thing I should add before I hang up my hat as Pinterest's unofficial cheerleader: the site is currently invite-only, though you can request an invite (they took a few days to get back to me with one). Once you're in, you get a bunch of invites to hand out too, and I have some spare if anyone wants one...

Anyway, I do have lots more to ramble on about, but time's getting on (yep, I'm back to my post-midnight wedding sessions) so I think I'll save it for next time. Thanks for reading. :o)

A reluctant Bridezilla...

Well, didn't I have a nice little vent on my first post on this blog? Actually, my first ever post on any blog.

I read it back today and thought, "gosh, you sound like a right moany cow". I guess that's what sleeplessness does to you. The venting helped, though: for the first evening in too long I didn't bring the laptop to bed (or keep it within easy reach for when my better half drifted off to sleep). I was out like a light before midnight. Zzz...

Anyway, back to my moaning. I suppose what I was complaining about – researching the hell out of delectable dresses, gorgeous jewellery, sumptuous stationery and so on – might be heaven to some people. I know this because a part of me does find it heavenly. (Why else would I keep myself awake with it all?)

It's more the fact that I've never been someone who thought much about weddings before (other than hoping, as a guest, that the speeches were short and the drinks free). I've known for ages that I want to get married to my other half, but that was more about moving our relationship forward. It was never about the pouffy dress or the blingy ring.

I'm also not what you'd call a girly girl. I'm not really what you'd call a girl, in fact. I mean, I am female, don't get me wrong. I'm just a sometimes world-weary, mid-30s woman now, so I guess the 'princess' mentality has long disappeared, along with the Sindy dolls and My Little Ponies. Or so I thought......

Once that lovely little ring was popped on my finger, it all changed. It took a few days to really kick in, if I'm honest. I was too busy grinning like a loon and glancing down at my left hand 20 times a minute. But once the scale of the task ahead became clear, I was lost. First the fear: How will we pay for all this? Will anyone come? What if I can't lose the weight in time and he has to roll me down the aisle? And then the research. The never-ending research...

So, yes, my sudden unbridled obsession with all things weddingy has come as a bit of a shock. It's taken my new fiancé by surprise too. In fact, he had the temerity to utter the word "Bridezilla" today. Bridezilla?!!!?! How very dare he?!

But, as I said, the venting has helped me chill out a little about it all. Plus we made a provisional booking today at the reception venue. Ooh, where's my 'to do' list when I need it? I feel a big tick coming on... :)

I said yes to marriage, not to insomnia!

So it's been nearly three weeks since he proposed. Woo, horray! and all that jazz.

And before I go on, I don't mean to complain. I am genuinely thrilled that him indoors has finally done the deed and "will make an honest woman out of you at last" as one cheeky so-called friend quipped. I suppose he has a point – me and my mister have been together for the best part of a decade.

The lovely ring I expected (like I said, the best part of a decade. You wait that long for a diamond, you've earned it), along with the excitement, the congratulations, the friends pressing me for all the details, the family dropping hints about who they think we should invite, etc etc... I was mostly prepared for it all.

And I knew this thing would involve plenty of thought and organisation along the way to make the big day happen. That's cool. I'm the queen of the spreadsheet and I like (almost) nothing better than ticking off a well-made 'to do' list.

But what I really didn't expect was the sleepless nights. And not from engagement-induced passion by the way! No, the sleeplessness has been caused by my wedding-addled brain keeping me awake into the wee hours, urging me to scour website after website for, well, every darn aspect of the day.

So while he lies there gently snoring, I've been hunched over the laptop in the dark, feverishly clicking, linking and bookmarking until 2, 3, 4am. Every. Single. Night.

We're talking venues (hours and hours of venues), bands, wedding dresses, table decorations, flowers, favours, tiaras, chair covers, stationery, cakes, shoes, hair styles, themes, colours, and this week – just to add a new layer of wedding madness – photo booths, sweetie tables and gospel choirs (!!)

So, after several hours of that each night, I'm either too exhausted to talk about any of it with him the next day – or I've hit my second wind and instead have to restrain myself from dropping a carpet bomb of wedding details all over him.

I hope I'm not alone in this engaged-lady lunacy (a look at some of the more exciteable wedding forum posters makes me think I'm probably not), but either way I hope it's not going to be like this until we walk down the aisle. Maybe once we've booked the venue and the church (hopefully tomorrow) my brain can take it down a notch.

In the meantime, I have a stack of bridesmaid dress bookmarks and I'm not afraid to use 'em....