Getting down to beauty basics

Okay, so the next topic I promised myself I'd blog about is bridal hair and make-up...

Hairy moments

With the whole Mad Men theme in mind, I'd been Pinning any 1960s-esque hairstyles that caught my eye (okay, not those actual styles!), but I hadn't quite managed to find the exact picture of what I wanted.

Problem, it seemed to me, is that I don't have perfectly sleek hair (cards on the table: it's basically frizz central), and I don't have a fringe, which seem to be a feature in many of the 1960s-esque styles I liked, such as most of these:

The only style I liked that I thought my hair could be encouraged to do – after some hours with the straightening irons, coupled with tons of hairspray and hairgrips – was a tight chignon such as this one:

It's a bit less complex than some of the other styles I liked, plus no fringe required. Sorted!

The only niggle I had was whether it would look any good in real life...

Well, I had my hair trial two weekends ago, with the lovely Lynsey at The Vintage Salon in Birmingham, and within 45 minutes she had my long, frizzy, flyaway red hair teased, twisted, gripped and hairsprayed into... not exactly the style above, but an even better one!

The main change was at the front. I had asked for a swept over parting, with my hair covering part of my forehead, as I figured that was the closest I could get to a fringe. I'm probably not explaining that very well, but I mean something like this:

Well, she gave it a try and, to be frank, I looked like my uncle. Yep, apparently the whole sideswept look gives me a square face and an uncanny resemblance to a 60-year-old Irish builder. Cue moment of pure white terror. I had no hair plan B!

Not to worry, as it turned out. I hesitantly voiced my concerns to the hairdresser, mumbling "maybe once it's all finished...", as I thought she might somehow talk me into liking it. But in a flash she whipped that section of hair up into a fabulous Joan Holloway-style twist, lifting it off my face and instantly making me look 100 times better! It was that moment that I realised that forking out for my bridesmaids and me to have professional hairstylists on the day is worth every penny. Phew!

So that's the hair sorted: a beehive chignon with a twist! So what about make-up then?

Face off

Lovin' my Lily Lolo

First things first, I'm a mineral make-up convert. And I'm very loyal to the Lily Lolo brand, mainly because since using it my skin is almost always clear of the spots that I used to be plagued by when using liquid foundation.

Secondly, I'm pretty darn excellent at applying make-up. Other friends often ask if I'll do their eye make-up before we go out. I've even done friends' make-up for their wedding day. So I didn't see the point of booking a make-up artist for the day, especially as our budget is so tight.

That said, I know doing wedding make-up isn't as simple as slapping on a bit of foundation and mascara. This make-up has to last all day, and withstand countless squeezey hugs and kisses from family and friends. It also has to look good in daylight outside, as well as during flash photography inside.

So I did a bit of research. I actually struggled to find a definitive guide to bridal make-up perfection, but I did manage to pick up a bunch of helpful hints along the way. One tip that was said by many was: don't use mineral make-up. Doh!

Apparently, minerals often contain a large proportion of mica, which is highly reflective. That helps give an airbrush finish in real life, but in flash photography it can make you look very washed out. Once I read that, I realised that there had been a good few pics on nights out where I looked a little, dare I say, corpse-like and I hadn't understood why!

Okay, I didn't look as bad as this, but you get the idea!

Thing is, I'm pale anyway (my skin is a shade too fair for many 'high street' make-up brands) so I guess that plus the mica has been making me look super ghost-like when the flash hits me just right. And I really don't want to risk looking like that on the big day!

So I've been trying out some posh liquid make-up. (Posh because I'm trying to avoid anything that will aggravate my skin and turn me into a spotty teenager for the day.) Here's what I've found so far:

Estée Lauder's Double Wear foundation is, as the name suggests, long-lasting. But its lightest shade, no matter how much I blend it, is a shade too orange-y for me. So the search continues. I've been recommended Laura Mercier, but I'm not sure the pursestrings can stretch to that! I might try to get a consultation at a department store. Maybe they'll give me a free sample?

I also tried Estée Lauder's Disappear concealer, which is pretty good actually, though maybe a smidge too dark for me.

One bit of success though: Dior Skinflash is, in a word, magical.

I used to use YSL's Touche Eclat but found that it sat a bit pinky on my skin, if that makes any sense. Skinflash, though, melts in seamlessly and does a pretty great job of blending away dark shadows and wrinkles. Again, I'll need to be careful about flash photography because it's reflective, but I figure it will do nicely during the daytime and I can touch up with the Estée Lauder Disappear in the evening.

So make-up brands are almost sorted. Next task is to actually decide what kind of make-up I want on the day. I'm planning to do some practice when I'm with my girls at the hen do (in two weekends' time, hooray!) but for now here's some make-up styles that I have my eye on. I'll let you know how I get on!

PS As it's now past midnight, I can officially say... ONE MONTH FROM TODAY!

Enough of all the feelings nonsense

So I realised this week that, day to day, I get on with the business of planning this wedding, and (when I have the time and energy for it) I blog about how hectic/stressful/panicked it gets at times.

Okay, yes, I've done a few posts on practical things, like flowers and table plans, but mainly it's been a place to have a good old vent.

Nothing wrong with that I suppose, except - once I got a grip of my panic - I'd also hoped for this blog to be a way to record some of the more practical or fun aspects. So that's about to change.

And, as I'm a bit rubbish at sticking to my blogging promises, here in black and white (well, black and kind of peach) is what I plan to blog about next:

• 1960s wedding styling
• Hair and make-up
• Shoes and accessories

It's a short list, granted, but it's a start!

PS Seven weeks today! :-o

Time waits for no bride

Two months today.

TWO months today.

Two MONTHS today!

I honestly can't quite believe it.

On the one hand, the months of wedding planning alongside a full-on, full-time job have been, frankly, stressful. It can be hard to remember what life was even like before I had this giant task on my hands. (As you'll see, I'm often still saying me/my/I because, as helpful as H2B has been more recently, he's still a passenger in this whole journey. I am most definitely the driver.)

On the other hand, the time has flown by. It doesn't feel like almost a year. I mean, I still can't make up my mind on things like bridesmaids accessories and favours, for heaven's sake! Surely those things should be clear in my head by now?

Still, indecision has been a constant theme of my wedding planning experience, so I shouldn't be surprised. Besides, I'm enjoying picking out the fun stuff, now that we finally have the money for the reception saved up. Pay days are now for wedding spending instead of saving. Heaven! Though I must be driving our receptionist at work potty with all the eBay, BHS and Debenhams deliveries that keep arriving.

Shopping heaven aside, it really is getting all a bit too real for my comfort levels. Picking out readings and processional music. Going to dress fittings. Getting RSVPs through the door every other day. (By the way, call me simple, but I'm loving that my carefully designed postcards are actually being used as real, stamped postcards. Stylish and functional, oh yes.)

I guess what I'm saying is that this wedding really has taken on a life of its own. It's out there, it's happening, and we have countless guests and suppliers to answer to. There's no going back now.

Not that I want to. It's not that. It just links back to one of my first points. I can't really remember what life was like before all this. Whatever will I do with myself when it's all said and done?

Feel the fear...

I have to admit, I had a great time writing my last post. It was interesting (for me anyway!), to reflect back on the different high, and low, points of wedding planning so far.

But there were a couple of omissions in the list – one by mistake and one on purpose. The stage I missed out by mistake I'll write about here. (The one missed out on purpose is actually a topic I've wanted to blog about for a while, so I'll save that until next time.)

So which stage did I forget to include? I can't quite believe I did forget it, because it was the stage that was the most terrifying of all, and actually spurred me to start writing this blog in the first place. We'll call this...

The fear

'The fear' kicks in pretty soon after 'The thrill' (telling all and sundry that you got engaged) and rapidly develops as you try and fathom out what the devil you're supposed to be doing to plan this wedding.

You swiftly realise that you have no idea whatsoever. So you desperately replay in your mind everything that you can remember from the weddings you've been to and come up with precisely this:

1. You have no idea what goes on during the ceremony bit. 
2. You can't recall much about the receptions, except one of them had a really nice dessert.
3. All the DJs sounded the same.
4. You have no recollection about anything else.

Okay, so relying on memory is a no-go. So, next stop: the internet. You start poring over wedding websites and blogs, each promising "amazing inspiration" and "helpful planning tools". Great!

But it's overwhelming. Every last wedding detail is apparently utterly essential – and there seem to be millions of them. There are even words and phrases you've never heard of before: boutonnière, bonbonniere, cathedral train, finger-tip veil... The list goes on and on and on, and pretty soon insomnia sets in as you try and make your brain absorb it all and somehow figure out where to start.

At the time it seems impossible. However, as my blog omission proves, you will forget how crazy that initial period was, and wedding planning will actually become quite enjoyable at times. You may even start to feel like a bit of a wedding planning master!

Though you sincerely hope you never have to repeat the experience...

This much I know...

I've never blogged before this. I don't make it known it to people who know me in real life and I've only publicised it once (discreetly!) in cyber space. My blog stats tell me I have a handful of readers, and I've no idea if any of them have actually read any of my posts.

But that's cool. I started the blog purely as a way to vent, and the blog title was very much a reflection of how I felt at the time. And many, many times since. Panicked. Overwhelmed. Not about being engaged or being married. But just the actual, huge process of planning a wedding day. (Just a day, for goodness sake! It's crazy…)

I also started writing this blog because I wanted a record of this time of planning our wedding – I figured it would be cool to look back on how I was feeling in the run-up to becoming a married woman.

With that in mind, in a contemplative moment earlier today I realised that I've passed through a fair few stages since he popped the question. So here's my take on the roller-coaster ride (so far) of being a bride-to-be:


The euphoria 
The moment arrives and you are the happiest girl in the world. He's asked the question you've been waiting for and you want to shout "YES!" from the rooftops. You can't shout, though, because you're welling up and you just have to kiss and kiss and kiss him. Beautiful.

The thrill 
You start telling people: your family, your friends, your co-workers. The inevitable Facebook status update. You feel like you have champagne bubbles bursting out of you all the time. And you can't stop staring at the ring.

The assumptions 
You realise, without knowing it before, that you have certain strongly held opinions about getting married. You assume your H2B probably feels the same, but, oops, actually he doesn't. So then there's that delicate period of trying to get what you want negotiation. For us two, this is summed up as me: "let's get married in church followed by a big party"; him: "not bothered about the God thing, don't see the point in spending too much money". (I got my way, but there have been many times when I've wished he had.)

The date 
The first big thing you have to sort is the date. You know this because as soon as you tell people you got engaged, the first thing they ask is: "Have you set a date?". It gets old, quickly. So what date? You always fancied getting married in September, but he asked you too late for this September and you don't fancy a year-and-a-half engagement, so you decide a spring wedding is just as good. However, you realise you'd quite like to lose half your body weight before you squeeze into a big white dress and therefore need all the time you can get, so you opt for the end of May. That's still spring, right? Less chance of rain too, hopefully.

Note: It never occurs to you until later to suggest a date that holds special meaning to you, or one that sounds clever: eg 12.12.12. You irrationally wonder if your date is a bit rubbish.

The big details 
First, the venue. You realise that nine out of ten venues are either unsuitable or naff. And the one you really want is twice your budget (and this is before you realise your initial budget estimate is woefully low). You come to terms with the fact that compromises have to be made. Besides, even if you could afford the one you really wanted, you realise while trawling wedding blogs later on in the planning process that you really wish you were getting married in a barn / museum / lighthouse. This is your first real moment of wedding envy. Don't worry, there'll be plenty more where that came from.

Next, the dress. I won't dwell too long on the dress because a) I've devoted several blog posts to it already and b) it's deeply different and personal to every bride. All I can say is don't rush it. If you're anything like me and hadn't spent much time looking at wedding dresses before you got engaged, then take your time. The styles you like initially will probably change as your wedding planning progresses a bit further. And, even if you do buy one you absolutely adore with every fibre of your being, you will still lie awake at night wondering if you made the right decision.  

The little details 
Nothing can prepare you for the time, deliberation and doubt that accompanies the little details. From colour scheme, to bridesmaid dresses, to jewellery, make-up and hair, not to mention stationery, centrepieces and flowers. And favours. And music. And activity packs for all the children that you got guilted into inviting. You will learn to hate these details, and yet be delighted when you find the absolutely perfect thing. You will simultaneously realise that NOBODY ELSE CARES, while also knowing that you won't rest until you've got it absolutely right. You care, even if no one else does.

The conversations 
You start out trying not to be that person: you know, the girl who gets engaged and then talks of nothing else for a year. You know your friends and family have their own stuff going on, and of course you still care about that. But it gets increasingly hard not to bring every conversation back to the topic of the wedding. Can you help it that almost everything reminds you of one wedding detail or another?

The boredom 
That said, it's not all ooh-ing over mood boards and mantilla veils. Yep, it eventually gets boring planning your big day. Sometimes you reach a self-inflicted saturation point, and feel like blowing a raspberry at the next person who asks: "How's the wedding planning going?" It can last a day or a couple of months, but trust me there will be times when you feel like enough is enough.

The budget
To paraphrase Douglas Adams: I love our wedding budget. I like the whooshing sound it makes as it flies by. You start off at the beginning with a figure in mind, which is rapidly adjusted upwards once you realise how a) how much wedding crap costs and b) you both have more friends and family than you realised, and therefore your intimate wedding of 50 is looking more like a shindig of 90-odd. But you figure that, once you've nailed down the cost of the big things – venue, food, music, dress, rings – you can do lots of DIY and eBaying to keep down the costs of the little things. Forget it. There is always something you've forgotten or underestimated. We are nine months in and still realising that. Take your number and add on at least 10% (and count yourself lucky if that's all you need).

When it all starts being real 
You spend weeks and months planning your wedding, and can see it all clearly in your mind – you have every last detail and decoration worked out perfectly. And then the real world kicks in. You see, this wedding is much, much bigger than just you and your H2B. It can be a shock when you realise that plenty of other people have a stake in it too. The distant cousins asking your dad when they should book flights, the assumptions from various corners over who's been invited (or not invited!), the requests to bring children from people you didn't think would even want to come in the first place. This is one of the most stressful realisations: you're not only planning a beautiful commitment between you and your other half, you're planning a whole event for dozens and dozens of people. Mare!

The nerves 
These kick in at random moments, usually when the flurry of details big and small recede for a while and you stare face-on at the reality of the wedding day itself. You picture it: just you, gripping onto your dad's arm, about to enter a church full of people all ready to turn and stare. The butterflies start up in your belly and you quickly grab the laptop and start comparison shopping flower girl dresses. No point in dwelling on the scary stuff until you really, really have to…  

The big build-up 
You sometimes feel like you'll never get there, but there will come a time when you realise that pretty much all the details are either sorted or decided on, and the countdown to the big day begins. Sure, there are favours to put together, a table plan to write and so on, but it's all nailed down in your to-do list.

This wedding is coming… And you can't quite imagine what it will be like when it's all over and done with.

My, my, my ... dahlia!

I'm pretty clueless about flowers.

I've killed all but one plant I've ever owned, and that's only because it actually thrives when I forget to water it (most of the time).

But, in the same way I'm building skills in becoming a master wedding planner, ha ha, I'm also getting to know a reasonable amount about wedding flowers.

After lots of reading wedding blogs, and nearly 30 Pinterest pins later, and I think I've worked out what I'd like – namely, a hand-tied bouquet of dahlias, peonies and roses, in beach, blush and coral shades. Something similar to this, but a bit more blush rather than yellow tones (and maybe a bit less greenery):

For someone who, six months ago, wouldn't have known a ranunculus from a radish, I'm feeling pretty proud of myself!  

Edit: Oops, clearly I don't know as much as I thought, since I was sure there were peonies in the above piccie, but I've since been reliably informed that they are in fact ranunculuses (ranunculi?). So perhaps I don't know a ranunculus from a radish after all! (Though thankfully we're paying someone to know all that for us!)

That said, my new appreciation for all things floral has meant we've had to increase our flower spend a little. I've decided on a bouquet for me, smaller ones in ivory/white for the four bridesmaids and our flowergirl, plus buttonholes for H2B and his groomsmen. 

Our original pencilled-in 'how much are flowers anyway?' budget of £100 has now more than doubled – eek! But we've found a fantastic florist who came highly recommended, and hopefully the flowers will be worth every penny, for the amazing piccies if nothing else.

Say 'cheese'!

Speaking of pics, we confirmed our photographer last week, and I'm just as excited about that. She's a very clever young lady who does photography in her spare time alongside her day job of being a talented photo editor. 

We didn't want the usual traditional, dare I say cheesy photos for our wedding (and certainly nothing like these beauties) – rather mainly reportage-style pictures of those magical moments.

Lucky for us, I knew just the girl for the job. She is an amazing photographer, who's photographed oodles of cool musicians, and the odd actor and supermodel. (Wow, just wow.) I can't wait to see how our pictures turn out.

Random wedding idea #1: table plan

Okay, sensible stuff like guests lists out of the way for a moment...

As I've mentioned before, I'm a bit of a Pinterest nut, but occasionally there's a lovely, inspirational pic that for whatever reason I can't pin onto my boards. So I've decided to post them here, which will let me pin to my heart's content!

First up, an idea for a vintage-y table plan:

This is from a great blog post of a 'vintage wedding tea party' on littlemisswedding, and I've decided that I'd like to do something like this for our wedding.

We're not going OTT with the vintage details (no Victorian tea cups or birdcages stuffed with roses), but something like this would work really well with the interior style of our venue. Now to hit the charity shops to start collecting old picture frames!

The big guest list dilemma

There comes a point in a bride-to-be's planning whirlwind when the fun details of colour schemes and stationery must take a back seat.

As much as I'd prefer to ignore them, there are also the boring, fiddley details to work out. For us, that includes things like:

• giving notice at the registry office – and since we don't live in the town we're getting married in, that brings along a whole raft of extra faffy bits to figure out;
• participating in our church-organised wedding preparation class – probably best saved for another post, that one!; and
• agreeing on the guest list

Now, when I started on the road to planning this wedding, I didn't think the guest list would be a big deal. I do have a big extended family, but everyone knows we have a tight budget, and it didn't seem like we were under any pressure from either of our parents to make sure that Aunt Sue's cousin's uncle's long-lost brother had an invitation.

Surprisingly, the guest list pressure has come from two different sources:

1. Other family members who expressed surprise and concern when I mentioned that certain cousins weren't invited or certain family friends had been 'relegated' to the evening guest list (to make room for those cousins!); and
2. Symmetry/being fair - in other words, when I realised that I couldn't invite a load of cousins from one side of the family and not invite at least some from the other side (even though I'm barely in touch with them). Or when I realised that it would be tricky to invite one cousin and not invite their siblings (again, even though I hardly see them).

Of course, the sensible, pre-bride-to-be person that I was would say "Pfft!" to both points. Just invite who you want. And it's sensible advice.

But in reality I don't want this wedding to create any family discord – in fact, I'd love to be able to reconnect with parts of the family that I've lost touch with. And what better way to do that than a joyful occasion such as a wedding?

But guests cost money, as anyone planning a wedding knows. For every extra person we invite beyond our original budget, it costs us at least £55. Multiply that by all my cousins and, well, the budget starts looking more like wishful thinking than sensible projection.

Ignorance is bliss (while it lasts)

When we first got engaged, me and my H2B had quite different ideas on what it would cost. He thought around £5,000 would do it; I thought it would be more like £7,000. Then we started pricing up venues and realised that we'd be lucky to do it for less than £8,000 all in. That was based on around 70-80 day guests and maybe 10-20 evening guests.

We were lucky with our venue, however: it's just the kind of place I was hoping for (an elegant hotel) but somehow doesn't cost the earth. It was one of only two places that I found in our budget in the local area, and the other one has a reputation for keeping its guests awake with loud discos in the downstairs bar until 3am. Not so great for my 70-year-old dad!

But even with getting a reasonable rate on a lovely venue, with the guest list creeping up and up, our budget has crept up too, so now we're looking at around £9,000. That's almost guaranteed to put us in a small amount of debt, which we were both hoping to avoid.

That all said, however, I do keep reminding myself that we'll only do this once. It really will be worth it if we can pull off a brilliant day and night, and in the process generate a stack of fantastic memories as well as become a bit closer to both our families.

I will still need to run yet another rule over the guest list before the invitations go out, just in case there are any other 'savings' I can make. (And that's after having done so several times already!) Hopefully I can avoid putting too many noses out of joint in the process...

Stationery / stationary

Okay, so the last post I wrote was well over a month ago. And what have I been up to during that time? Why did I neglect this blog yet again? *slaps wrist and looks dolefully at the floor*

Well, work got in the way as ever (and still is, grrr), so when I get a spare moment at home it's difficult to feel like writing when you just want to curl up on the sofa and watch episodes of Fringe. Plus the evil imp of indecision has been plaguing my mind yet again, and as a result it feels like progress has ground to a halt.

The wedding stationery is the best example I can give. Thanks to the job I do, I'm in the fortunate position of being able to design our invitations. I'm not a designer as such, though, so it doesn't come effortlessly to me. But I think I have a decent eye for good design, and I know my way around InDesign, Photoshop and Illustrator.

That said, I rushed the first draft of our invites, more focused on the excitement of seeing the words in print than actually trying to craft a particular style. After that, the idea of our 1960s/Mad Men theme really took shape, and I realised that the invites didn't really reflect that very well.

(Not that anyone who gets these invitations will actually notice or care, of course! I'm realistic about that. At best, my closest family and friends may appreciate what I'm trying to do, which is good enough for me.)

So, after the nice-but-unimaginative first attempt, version two took the vaguely 1960s-style fonts I'd selected in v1 and added some proper styling and structure. They were a lot better, and were very nearly the final version. I took some inspiration, structure-wise, from this elegant design:

That was until, Googling for inspiration, I saw some gorgeous 1950s/1960s wedding stationery that played around with curvy frames and polka dots, really hammering home the era. (Though I preferred my fonts and layout.)

So version 3 began, in which I took the layout and typfaces of v2 but added a cute frame that I made and, yep, polka dots.

You'd think that would be enough. But noooooo.... Pesky interweb. You see, I'd been looking online for some inspiration for RSVP wording (something more quirky than 'Accepts with pleasure / Declines with regret') and came across a beautifully designed example. The rest of the invite wasn't right for us, but this one part seemed quite 1960s, but in a really cool, Mod style.

And so version 4 was born, sort of. I got as far as designing our RSVP in a similar-ish style before I realised that it totally clashed with what I'd done for v3 - so bad that there's no point even trying to merge the styles into a brand new version 5. They're just too different.

So now I'm stuck. Do I:

1. revert back to the stylish-but-kinda-plain version 2;
2. go for Kath-Kidson-cutsey version 3; or 
3. try to make all our stationery in the cool/Mod-style of version 4? 

Of course, it might help if I could decide which one I actually like best, but that imp of indecision keeps making me change my mind! And as long as that goes on, it feels like I'm getting nowhere.

I'll round this off with a saying (that I don't really agree with): "Good designers borrow. Great designers steal." In my situation, I'd add: "Pseudo designers should probably pay someone else to do it..."

P.S. The examples above are all from proper wedding stationery designers, so to give them their due credit, here are links to their websites: square, elegant invite • polka dot design • cool RSVP

Attack of the wedding zombies

Like the after-effects of a zombie bite, wedding planning has a horrible habit of taking over your brain.

There's always something to think about, to research, to decide on, to weigh up the costs of, and to wonder if it goes with the four hundred other things you're pondering.

I imagine this might be a particular feature of the stage of planning we're at right now, which is that the main things are ordered, booked or bought – namely venues, car, dresses and centrepieces.

But all the lovely little details that can occupy the mind – such as stationery, room decorations, jewellery, accessories – have yet to be sorted. And there is so much lovely stuff out there! My Pinterest boards are filling up and I seem to be no closer to deciding on anything.

Sometimes I wish we hadn't given ourselves a full year to plan this thing. I imagine there must be a certain liberation in a short engagement, where (money allowing) you can just make decisions, get stuff bought, and get married.

But, to be honest, I'm glad we didn't do that. Despite the current brain takeover situation, I've enjoyed having the time to really figure out what kind of style I want for the day. I say 'I' again, even though H2B has started to show a bit more interest at last. But that's mainly about practical things – he's really not arsed about the little details, which suits me fine actually!

That said, I did reach an overload point last month. It coincided with falling off the dieting wagon and a bit of relationship crap that needed sorting, and overall it left me feeling decidedly 'Meh...' about the whole planning thing. Hence the gap in blog entries.

Thankfully, H2B and I sorted out our issues, and things are better than ever. I've made a shaky start back on the dieting journey (one stone down, two to go), and yes that wedding zombie mode is back.

But this time around I'm actually glad of it. This is (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I don't want to rush it.

I keep reading, whether in forums or blogs, about the post-wedding blues some brides get after the big day is over. I hope that's not the case for me, and married life is more than enough to put a smile on my face.

But either way I'm going to savour this. I'm planning the biggest and best party I could imagine for me and my mister, and I plan to enjoy every minute leading up to it, during and afterwards.

So bring on the Pinterest boards, the wedding blogs, the bridal forums and the countless Google searches. I only get to do this once, so I may as well make the most of it!

When in doubt...

I'm torn.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I consider myself as having pretty simple tastes. So my* choices for this wedding (now just under nine months away, eek!) have so far steered clear of fussy, frou-frou details.

*By the way, I'm giving up on 'we' unless it's actual reality. It's our wedding, we're getting married etc, but I am most definitely making the vast majority of decisions for the day. I'm realising that this is pretty typical, though I do wish my H2B would occasionally get even a teeny bit enthused about the likes of stationery and favours! But that's another blog post...

Going for the simple option has often also been dictated by our budget, which isn't tiny, but is less than half of the so-called national average.

For example, the first thing we bought for the wedding were some lovely glass pillar candle holders for the table centrepieces (in the Sainsbury's sale at £4 each – and I think they look a lot more expensive than that). From the beginning, I didn't want flowers: as soon as I totted up a realistic wedding budget, I didn't see the point of spending a chunk of it on something that would end up dead and thrown in a bin.

Lotus flower pillar candle holder (Sainsbury's)

So for each table, we will have this glass holder with an Ikea pillar candle (£1.50), popped on a mirror plate (£3.50) along with a few simple Ikea glass tea lights (£1). And I can sell a lot of it on eBay afterwards and make some money back.

That's just one example of many instances where we've opted for something less showy that also keeps costs down. No towering vases stuffed with exotic blooms and succulents for us...

However, as I said before I have become a little obsessed with looking at other wedding pics. And not just the perfect-world ones that appear on ruffledblog and stylemepretty. No, I'm also obsessing about real weddings now.

Last week, an old friend from school whom I've not seen in almost 20 years posted some pics from her wedding on Facebook, and I was immediately scouring them for every last detail: dress, bridesmaids' outfits, men's suits, car, church decorations and so on - purely to see whether our wedding choices are, well, better!

And, even worse, another friend from my home town - who I do actually keep in touch with - is getting married later this month, and there's a rather large part of my brain that is feverishly wondering what she will have as her centerpieces, if they're having favours, whether her dress will look ten times as expensive as mine, and - oh please no - have they booked a photobooth like we have?

But why do I care? All this is doing is making me second-guess all my/our decisions. Like those glass candle holders, which up until this week seemed like the perfect choice. But I'm now starting to fear that they will look small and ineffectual and like we haven't made an effort. I've been fretting over whether I went just a step too far in being practical, and maybe we should have blown a few hundred quid on some gorgeous bouquets in vases after all.

There is still a sane part of my brain, though. And it keeps telling me not to stress about stupid things that probably no one will notice anyway.

Well, apart from the photobooth. I reeeeeally hope they don't have a photobooth. I want ours to be the first wedding among our friends that has a photobooth, dammit! It's myyyyyy photobooooooth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The insanity of co-ordination

Forgive me reader, it's been nearly a month since my last confession...

Alas, I fell into my predicted teenage diary trap and pushed this blog to the back of my to-do list for a few weeks. I did move house during that time, however, so I'm not going to feel too guilty.

In fact, moving house was great, as it meant I could channel all my comparison shopping/online research urges into more practical and/or immediate things, like curtains, cushions and kitchen bins. Two weeks in the new place, and we're pretty much sorted. Plus, I figure if I* can turn a studenty, tired-looking flat into a cosy-yet-sophisticated home for two in that amount of time, a wedding will be a cinch, right?

* Okay, H2B, aka Dave, had something to do with it, but that was mostly along the lines of installing a working smoke alarm and putting flatpack furniture together. I consider myself a feminist of sorts, but you gotta play to your strengths!

So, yes, back to the wedding, and to the title of this blog post... I had a colour scheme in mind pretty soon after I started my burning-the-midnight-oil web research, namely: teal, gold and ivory. Well, I kind of stole it from a blog poster on one of the many forums I dip in and out of (so far always a lurker, never a poster).

It wasn't a complete theft: I already knew I wanted teal (my fave colour for years) but didn't know what to pair it with, and this seemed pretty nice. However, a little gremlin in my head (let's call him Co-ordi-Nathan) started whispering that my engagement ring is in white gold, not yellow gold, so that wouldn't really go. A sane person would roll their eyes and point out that a tiny thing like that shouldn't be a worry. So I dismissed it and carried on looking at teal bridesmaid dresses (comparing in great detail the exact shade of teal in each range, I kid you not!) and pondering how to bring in the gold aspect.

Anyway, we went to see the wedding reception venue a few weeks ago – an elegant but not OTT (ie tacky or snooty) independently run hotel. Just the kind of place I'd been hoping for – and within our budget. The room where we're having our do is lovely, plus the neutral walls and floors weren't troubling Co-ordi-Nathan one bit. However, I also wanted to get a good look at the chairs, as I was trying to decide whether to bother with the expense of covering them. The chairs are lovely too actually: upholstered in very dark blue-almost-black material, with matte silver metal legs and trim.

I decided that covering the chairs was an unnecessary expense. Great, that's about £300 saved, I thought! But then that pesky gremlin started fretting about the gold in my colour scheme clashing with the silver chairs. Plus, going with silver would mean my engagement ring would match. And maybe dark navy would go nicer with silver than teal...

So, yes, it's official: my new colour scheme is dark navy† and silver. I am matching my bridesmaids' outfits with the reception venue chairs. Chairs!! Have I reached a new level of wedding insanity?

† Well, I'm calling it midnight blue. Navy sounds like school uniforms...

Embracing the madness

It's been a little while since my last post, and I had myself a flashback to my teenage diary-keeping days. And I do mean actual days: usually the 1st, 2nd and maybe 5th of January. After that, the procrastination and consequent guilt would kick in, with maybe a half-arsed diary entry in mid-February and then nothing. I could wallpaper my house with all the pristine sheets of unused notebooks I've wasted over the years.

Anyway, I'm pleased (and relieved) to find that the blogging urge has taken hold again, so here I am. And I have to admit that I have a slightly different mindset than I had when I wrote my first couple of posts. The goggle-eyed terror of planning this wedding has actually receded a bit. I still feel the panic from time to time, but it's a bit more manageable somehow. I think I'm actually starting to enjoy this!

I have a sneaky suspicion that this change may have something to do with the fact that we confirmed both the church and the reception venue this week – woo hoo!!! They're booked for 364 days from today, in fact. One whole year away. I can manage to plan and execute this thing by then, surely?

One other thing that is helping in a smaller but infinitely enjoyable way is a recent discovery of mine: pinterest.com. It's a genius way to catalogue all the weddingy things online that I've come across, whether that's from online stores or other blogs. You 'pin' a picture you like from a website, and that gets added to your board (or one of many boards that you can set up). Here's a sneaky peek at mine:

I've started by collating all my wedding 'inspiration' onto one board, but further down the line I might reorganise that into separate boards, eg dresses, table decorations, flowers and so on.

The best part about Pinterest is that it removes one of my panic triggers: that I'll see some perfect dress, colour scheme or bouquet online and forget to bookmark it. And my bookmarks folder is already heaving at the seams, so the genuinely good stuff will probably get lost among the over-priced tat that keeps catching my eye (yes, I'm talking about you, er, well-known wedding website). This way, I've got instant visual reminders (which, if you click on one, takes you straight to the website you got the image from). Plus I can add useful details, such as price, to the caption too. Perfect!

One thing I should add before I hang up my hat as Pinterest's unofficial cheerleader: the site is currently invite-only, though you can request an invite (they took a few days to get back to me with one). Once you're in, you get a bunch of invites to hand out too, and I have some spare if anyone wants one...

Anyway, I do have lots more to ramble on about, but time's getting on (yep, I'm back to my post-midnight wedding sessions) so I think I'll save it for next time. Thanks for reading. :o)

A reluctant Bridezilla...

Well, didn't I have a nice little vent on my first post on this blog? Actually, my first ever post on any blog.

I read it back today and thought, "gosh, you sound like a right moany cow". I guess that's what sleeplessness does to you. The venting helped, though: for the first evening in too long I didn't bring the laptop to bed (or keep it within easy reach for when my better half drifted off to sleep). I was out like a light before midnight. Zzz...

Anyway, back to my moaning. I suppose what I was complaining about – researching the hell out of delectable dresses, gorgeous jewellery, sumptuous stationery and so on – might be heaven to some people. I know this because a part of me does find it heavenly. (Why else would I keep myself awake with it all?)

It's more the fact that I've never been someone who thought much about weddings before (other than hoping, as a guest, that the speeches were short and the drinks free). I've known for ages that I want to get married to my other half, but that was more about moving our relationship forward. It was never about the pouffy dress or the blingy ring.

I'm also not what you'd call a girly girl. I'm not really what you'd call a girl, in fact. I mean, I am female, don't get me wrong. I'm just a sometimes world-weary, mid-30s woman now, so I guess the 'princess' mentality has long disappeared, along with the Sindy dolls and My Little Ponies. Or so I thought......

Once that lovely little ring was popped on my finger, it all changed. It took a few days to really kick in, if I'm honest. I was too busy grinning like a loon and glancing down at my left hand 20 times a minute. But once the scale of the task ahead became clear, I was lost. First the fear: How will we pay for all this? Will anyone come? What if I can't lose the weight in time and he has to roll me down the aisle? And then the research. The never-ending research...

So, yes, my sudden unbridled obsession with all things weddingy has come as a bit of a shock. It's taken my new fiancé by surprise too. In fact, he had the temerity to utter the word "Bridezilla" today. Bridezilla?!!!?! How very dare he?!

But, as I said, the venting has helped me chill out a little about it all. Plus we made a provisional booking today at the reception venue. Ooh, where's my 'to do' list when I need it? I feel a big tick coming on... :)

I said yes to marriage, not to insomnia!

So it's been nearly three weeks since he proposed. Woo, horray! and all that jazz.

And before I go on, I don't mean to complain. I am genuinely thrilled that him indoors has finally done the deed and "will make an honest woman out of you at last" as one cheeky so-called friend quipped. I suppose he has a point – me and my mister have been together for the best part of a decade.

The lovely ring I expected (like I said, the best part of a decade. You wait that long for a diamond, you've earned it), along with the excitement, the congratulations, the friends pressing me for all the details, the family dropping hints about who they think we should invite, etc etc... I was mostly prepared for it all.

And I knew this thing would involve plenty of thought and organisation along the way to make the big day happen. That's cool. I'm the queen of the spreadsheet and I like (almost) nothing better than ticking off a well-made 'to do' list.

But what I really didn't expect was the sleepless nights. And not from engagement-induced passion by the way! No, the sleeplessness has been caused by my wedding-addled brain keeping me awake into the wee hours, urging me to scour website after website for, well, every darn aspect of the day.

So while he lies there gently snoring, I've been hunched over the laptop in the dark, feverishly clicking, linking and bookmarking until 2, 3, 4am. Every. Single. Night.

We're talking venues (hours and hours of venues), bands, wedding dresses, table decorations, flowers, favours, tiaras, chair covers, stationery, cakes, shoes, hair styles, themes, colours, and this week – just to add a new layer of wedding madness – photo booths, sweetie tables and gospel choirs (!!)

So, after several hours of that each night, I'm either too exhausted to talk about any of it with him the next day – or I've hit my second wind and instead have to restrain myself from dropping a carpet bomb of wedding details all over him.

I hope I'm not alone in this engaged-lady lunacy (a look at some of the more exciteable wedding forum posters makes me think I'm probably not), but either way I hope it's not going to be like this until we walk down the aisle. Maybe once we've booked the venue and the church (hopefully tomorrow) my brain can take it down a notch.

In the meantime, I have a stack of bridesmaid dress bookmarks and I'm not afraid to use 'em....