The dreaded D words

Are you there reader? It's me, panicked bride...

It's been a while since my last confession. Christmas happened, of course, so that proved a slight distraction. And January has been flying by. Time for a little update.

The big issues of the moment are Diet and Dress stress. I'd get a cup of tea if I were you. This may take a while....

A bit less jiggle in my wiggle
Like many brides-to-be blessed with some junk in the trunk, my wedding diet has had some ups and downs.

Christmas was a killer, as always. My good intentions abandoned me entirely, and I didn't come back to my senses until seven (seven!!!) pounds later. New year's day, I headed back onto the righteous path of healthy eating and haven't stopped since. Three weeks later, I've just about clawed myself back to the same weight I was pre-Christmas (20 pounds lost in total - woo hoo!) but that hasn't stopped plenty of panicking about the fact that I'm way behind my original goal of losing a total of three to four stone by the end of May.

In fact, up to now I've been too scared to work out what my new weight target should realistically be. Right, time to be brave, so here goes....

Ha! If only... (assuming that's pounds not kilos!)

Okay ... *brings up Calculator and Calendar apps*  ... from today I have just over 18 weeks until I get married. Based on an optimistic-but-not-impossible 1.5 pounds a week, that's 25 pounds. A total of 45 pounds lost would be 3.2 stone.

Actually, that's not as bad as I thought! I know 1.5 pounds a week will be hard going, though. It's been my average weekly weight loss so far while dieting, but I can imagine there'll be times when my body, brain and/or chocolate cravings refuse to co-operate. Still, better to try and fail than not try at all!

The big dress dilemma (part 2)

Ok, so I wrote back in July about my worries about The Dress. My budget is small, and so I quickly ruled out the traditional bridal shop experience. I decided my choices were either ordering from the States to try and get a designer dress for around half the price, or order from a UK eBay seller that I could (hopefully) trust.

Both options had the same risk, more or less: buying a dress I'd never tried on. I showed pics of both dresses to lots of people, and overall the eBay one seemed like the best bet. After checking with previous customers, getting swatches and so on, I put the order in, and two months later my dress arrived.

It looked lovely: exactly what I'd asked for. I tried it on, knowing it wouldn't fit – I'd ordered the thing two dress sizes smaller. However, even with that in mind, I quickly realised that it might not fit me even if I hit my weight loss goals. I have quite a long torso, and the bodice on the dress just didn't sit right around my arms and bust, even allowing for the extra curves at the time! I even got my size 8 sister to try it on and it sat funny on her as well.

That said, I'm sure it's not completely impossible to take the dress to a dressmaker once I'm a bit closer to my slimming goal and get them to work their magic on it. I'm not sure how they can lengthen the straps, but I do have some spare material (from the awful bolero jacket I asked the eBay seller to make, to match the dress – it didn't turn out well).

That's not my main problem, however. Since I bought the dress, our Mad Men/1960s theme has really taken shape. There's the bridesmaid dresses, which I've linked to before:

I've designed our stationery using typefaces used during the period, and I've booked The Vintage Salon in Birmingham to create '60s-inspired styles for me and the bridesmaids. The men will be wearing smart, modern grey suits, and overall it should look pretty darn cool.

By comparison, I fear the dress will look a bit, well, crap. It's light champagne in colour, in beaded lace. And the shape, while definitely classic, couldn't really be called 1960s. It's still a lovely dress. But I'm worried I won't feel as special as all the other details I've spent so much time over.

So what to do? Well, I have a plan. I'm going to keep on my dieting path and try on the dress in March to see how it's fitting and whether I'm happier with it. It not, well then it's onto Plan B.

And what's Plan B? Well, it's to order the exact opposite kind of dress I thought I wanted. Crazy, huh?

You see, being in my mid-30s, one of my first thoughts as an engaged lady was that I didn't want to go too OTT bridal. In fact, I'm sure I rambled on about that in one of my first posts.

Well, since then I've kind of had a rethink: namely, you only do this once (I truly hope!) so why not embrace it? That thought coincided with me spotting this dress:

Okay, so it's not 100% 1960s in style (I don't have the ankles for a proper Audrey Hepburn number). But it's definitely more in keeping with the era, and I think it could look lovely next to my bridesmaids' dresses. Assuming, of course, it looks lovely on me... And – bonus – even with import taxes it'll be under £200.

The bad news is that it's the same old gamble: buying a dress I've never tried on. In fact, I've never worn a dress that looks anything like this. So I've decided to do the bridal shop experience after all, if only to see if I would feel comfortable in such a bridal-y wedding dress – and to make sure I don't look like a toilet roll dolly. Assuming that goes well, I guess I'll take the gamble – again. At least I won't be too much out of pocket, whatever the outcome.

On that note, I think that's enough rambling for one update. I'll try to get back to more regular transmissions from now on. Only 18 weeks to go!!

Attack of the wedding zombies

Like the after-effects of a zombie bite, wedding planning has a horrible habit of taking over your brain.

There's always something to think about, to research, to decide on, to weigh up the costs of, and to wonder if it goes with the four hundred other things you're pondering.

I imagine this might be a particular feature of the stage of planning we're at right now, which is that the main things are ordered, booked or bought – namely venues, car, dresses and centrepieces.

But all the lovely little details that can occupy the mind – such as stationery, room decorations, jewellery, accessories – have yet to be sorted. And there is so much lovely stuff out there! My Pinterest boards are filling up and I seem to be no closer to deciding on anything.

Sometimes I wish we hadn't given ourselves a full year to plan this thing. I imagine there must be a certain liberation in a short engagement, where (money allowing) you can just make decisions, get stuff bought, and get married.

But, to be honest, I'm glad we didn't do that. Despite the current brain takeover situation, I've enjoyed having the time to really figure out what kind of style I want for the day. I say 'I' again, even though H2B has started to show a bit more interest at last. But that's mainly about practical things – he's really not arsed about the little details, which suits me fine actually!

That said, I did reach an overload point last month. It coincided with falling off the dieting wagon and a bit of relationship crap that needed sorting, and overall it left me feeling decidedly 'Meh...' about the whole planning thing. Hence the gap in blog entries.

Thankfully, H2B and I sorted out our issues, and things are better than ever. I've made a shaky start back on the dieting journey (one stone down, two to go), and yes that wedding zombie mode is back.

But this time around I'm actually glad of it. This is (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I don't want to rush it.

I keep reading, whether in forums or blogs, about the post-wedding blues some brides get after the big day is over. I hope that's not the case for me, and married life is more than enough to put a smile on my face.

But either way I'm going to savour this. I'm planning the biggest and best party I could imagine for me and my mister, and I plan to enjoy every minute leading up to it, during and afterwards.

So bring on the Pinterest boards, the wedding blogs, the bridal forums and the countless Google searches. I only get to do this once, so I may as well make the most of it!

Weddings: a weighty issue

So, yet again, I have neglected this blog. Oops...

To be honest, I was struggling with an idea of what to write about - well, an idea that's in keeping with the blog's title, anyway.

I didn't feel like I was panicking, you see. The venue and church are booked, as are the band and photographer. I've even started working on our wedding stationery. And the wedding is still over 10 months away. It has seemed like a stress-free zone.

But it came to me in a 'eureka' moment in the bath the other day (how very Archimedes of me). I was pondering my naked form and the fact that I really have to shed quite a bit of weight before the big day. I worked out that even if I diet and exercise properly for the next 10 months, I'll - at best - drop just two dress sizes (and even then I'll still be a curvy lady).

Now, that's not a bad thing - in fact, if I can pull it off, I'll be delighted. I've been trying to diet on and off for the past couple of years, with some success. However, each time I've run out of steam after a few months, and slowly but surely all my hard work is undone.

But here's the thing: I've never gotten married before. The prospect of being centre of attention all day in a fabulous spangley dress is one hell of a motivator if you so choose. And I have so chose. My diet started on 28 June and I have lost six pounds so far. (Woo!)

However, I didn't handle the scary prospect of squeezing into a fabulous dress so well to begin with. Which brings me back to my 'eureka' moment. I got engaged on 1 May, and started my diet just over two weeks ago. So what was I doing the previous eight weeks, I asked myself amid the Radox bubbles. Yep, I was panicking about dieting. And what do I do when I panic? I eat. Genius.

The most messed-up thing is that I didn't even realise I was panicking about it. (Ingesting half a packet of chocolate HobNobs in one sitting must have some kind of amnesiatic effect...) So while I've been congratulating myself on getting over my initial freak out, and actually enjoying the process of planning our wedding, in fact I've been more stressed and panicked about one particular aspect than anything else.

I'm just hoping I've got it all out of my system now. Otherwise watch out Tesco's: I'll be heading for your biscuit aisle...