Feel the fear...

I have to admit, I had a great time writing my last post. It was interesting (for me anyway!), to reflect back on the different high, and low, points of wedding planning so far.

But there were a couple of omissions in the list – one by mistake and one on purpose. The stage I missed out by mistake I'll write about here. (The one missed out on purpose is actually a topic I've wanted to blog about for a while, so I'll save that until next time.)

So which stage did I forget to include? I can't quite believe I did forget it, because it was the stage that was the most terrifying of all, and actually spurred me to start writing this blog in the first place. We'll call this...

The fear

'The fear' kicks in pretty soon after 'The thrill' (telling all and sundry that you got engaged) and rapidly develops as you try and fathom out what the devil you're supposed to be doing to plan this wedding.

You swiftly realise that you have no idea whatsoever. So you desperately replay in your mind everything that you can remember from the weddings you've been to and come up with precisely this:

1. You have no idea what goes on during the ceremony bit. 
2. You can't recall much about the receptions, except one of them had a really nice dessert.
3. All the DJs sounded the same.
4. You have no recollection about anything else.

Okay, so relying on memory is a no-go. So, next stop: the internet. You start poring over wedding websites and blogs, each promising "amazing inspiration" and "helpful planning tools". Great!

But it's overwhelming. Every last wedding detail is apparently utterly essential – and there seem to be millions of them. There are even words and phrases you've never heard of before: boutonnière, bonbonniere, cathedral train, finger-tip veil... The list goes on and on and on, and pretty soon insomnia sets in as you try and make your brain absorb it all and somehow figure out where to start.

At the time it seems impossible. However, as my blog omission proves, you will forget how crazy that initial period was, and wedding planning will actually become quite enjoyable at times. You may even start to feel like a bit of a wedding planning master!

Though you sincerely hope you never have to repeat the experience...

Dress 3.0

It was just over a week ago that I wrote about my recent stresses over dieting and 'The Dress'.

No change with the diet situation – it's going great. I've lost a few more pounds since then and, alongside two-mile walks every lunchbreak (and longer walks on weekends), I've just started a zumba class.

That nearly killed me. I've tried zumba on Nintendo Wii before, and it's great. But it doesn't prepare you for the insanity of a hyperactive Louis Spence-style instructor and the feeling that you're going to vomit in front of a packed gym studio through sheer physical exhaustion!

Actually, it was brilliant, and – despite the 'oof!'s, 'ouch!'es and aches since – I'll be glad to go back for more next week.

So, no, this update has nothing to do with the diet, but everything to do with the dress.

Having mentally ditched the first dress I bought, I had Plan B all set up: an elegant 'princess' style number in tulle from a well-rated Chinese company. A lovely dress, for sure, and only £130 (plus taxes) – but also another risk, as it involved ordering something I'd never tried on and would likely have to pay someone to adjust.

But I was willing to go for it, knowing that my budget was tight and wouldn't allow me to go down the bridal shop route – plus any bridal shop owner would shoo me out of the door once they heard I have just three months and three weeks until the big day!

However, that was until I saw The Dress. Oh, man, did I ever see The Dress! Light ivory silk, sweetheart neckline with off-the-shoulder cap sleeves, nipped in with a gathered sash at the waist, finished off with a flowing, pleated full-length skirt – a classic early 1960s silhouette and style.

Of course, this dress, I rapidly discovered, costs the best part of £2,000 – and is only stocked in places that require a plane journey. I discovered this after a mad moment of insanity when I emailed the designer personally, 'just in case'. Lovely lady, she replied the same day and gave me a much-needed jolt of reality.

Still, I couldn't get that gorgeous dress out of my head. That was the kind of dress I was supposed to wear on my wedding day. I could see it would flatter my shape beautifully, and – hooray! – it would also complement the vaguely Mad Men theme of the wedding.

So what to do? Well, after a couple of days – and nights – fretting about it, I finally remembered an online forum poster who had recommended a company that made bespoke wedding dresses at, allegedly, an affordable price.

So that got me thinking... I didn't want an outright copy of the dress – that didn't sit comfortably. And actually there were elements about the dress that I would have preferred not to have, such as a diamanté buckle attached to the sash and fabric bows attached to the cap sleeves.

So I decided that I could use the dress as inspiration and sketch out a design that worked for me, and see if this company could a) make it at a price I could afford and b) make it in three months.

And to cut a long story a teeny bit shorter, yes they can! It's tight on both fronts: it's completely killed our budget and has meant we're now saving absolutely every spare bit of cash right up to the big day – and it'll be ready barely two weeks before we get married.

But, actually, it's the best wedding decision I've made so far. Meeting with a proper dressmaker, having proper fittings, and generally feeling secure in the fact that someone who cares about what they do is taking charge of one of the most important aspects of the day – well, it's worth every single penny. I now have no more doubts about how I'll look and how I'll feel. I cannot wait to see it and wear it – and feel amazing.

In other words: Woo hooooo!!! :D

My sketch of The Dress!

Stationery / stationary

Okay, so the last post I wrote was well over a month ago. And what have I been up to during that time? Why did I neglect this blog yet again? *slaps wrist and looks dolefully at the floor*

Well, work got in the way as ever (and still is, grrr), so when I get a spare moment at home it's difficult to feel like writing when you just want to curl up on the sofa and watch episodes of Fringe. Plus the evil imp of indecision has been plaguing my mind yet again, and as a result it feels like progress has ground to a halt.

The wedding stationery is the best example I can give. Thanks to the job I do, I'm in the fortunate position of being able to design our invitations. I'm not a designer as such, though, so it doesn't come effortlessly to me. But I think I have a decent eye for good design, and I know my way around InDesign, Photoshop and Illustrator.

That said, I rushed the first draft of our invites, more focused on the excitement of seeing the words in print than actually trying to craft a particular style. After that, the idea of our 1960s/Mad Men theme really took shape, and I realised that the invites didn't really reflect that very well.

(Not that anyone who gets these invitations will actually notice or care, of course! I'm realistic about that. At best, my closest family and friends may appreciate what I'm trying to do, which is good enough for me.)

So, after the nice-but-unimaginative first attempt, version two took the vaguely 1960s-style fonts I'd selected in v1 and added some proper styling and structure. They were a lot better, and were very nearly the final version. I took some inspiration, structure-wise, from this elegant design:

That was until, Googling for inspiration, I saw some gorgeous 1950s/1960s wedding stationery that played around with curvy frames and polka dots, really hammering home the era. (Though I preferred my fonts and layout.)

So version 3 began, in which I took the layout and typfaces of v2 but added a cute frame that I made and, yep, polka dots.

You'd think that would be enough. But noooooo.... Pesky interweb. You see, I'd been looking online for some inspiration for RSVP wording (something more quirky than 'Accepts with pleasure / Declines with regret') and came across a beautifully designed example. The rest of the invite wasn't right for us, but this one part seemed quite 1960s, but in a really cool, Mod style.

And so version 4 was born, sort of. I got as far as designing our RSVP in a similar-ish style before I realised that it totally clashed with what I'd done for v3 - so bad that there's no point even trying to merge the styles into a brand new version 5. They're just too different.

So now I'm stuck. Do I:

1. revert back to the stylish-but-kinda-plain version 2;
2. go for Kath-Kidson-cutsey version 3; or 
3. try to make all our stationery in the cool/Mod-style of version 4? 

Of course, it might help if I could decide which one I actually like best, but that imp of indecision keeps making me change my mind! And as long as that goes on, it feels like I'm getting nowhere.

I'll round this off with a saying (that I don't really agree with): "Good designers borrow. Great designers steal." In my situation, I'd add: "Pseudo designers should probably pay someone else to do it..."

P.S. The examples above are all from proper wedding stationery designers, so to give them their due credit, here are links to their websites: square, elegant invite • polka dot design • cool RSVP

Attack of the wedding zombies

Like the after-effects of a zombie bite, wedding planning has a horrible habit of taking over your brain.

There's always something to think about, to research, to decide on, to weigh up the costs of, and to wonder if it goes with the four hundred other things you're pondering.

I imagine this might be a particular feature of the stage of planning we're at right now, which is that the main things are ordered, booked or bought – namely venues, car, dresses and centrepieces.

But all the lovely little details that can occupy the mind – such as stationery, room decorations, jewellery, accessories – have yet to be sorted. And there is so much lovely stuff out there! My Pinterest boards are filling up and I seem to be no closer to deciding on anything.

Sometimes I wish we hadn't given ourselves a full year to plan this thing. I imagine there must be a certain liberation in a short engagement, where (money allowing) you can just make decisions, get stuff bought, and get married.

But, to be honest, I'm glad we didn't do that. Despite the current brain takeover situation, I've enjoyed having the time to really figure out what kind of style I want for the day. I say 'I' again, even though H2B has started to show a bit more interest at last. But that's mainly about practical things – he's really not arsed about the little details, which suits me fine actually!

That said, I did reach an overload point last month. It coincided with falling off the dieting wagon and a bit of relationship crap that needed sorting, and overall it left me feeling decidedly 'Meh...' about the whole planning thing. Hence the gap in blog entries.

Thankfully, H2B and I sorted out our issues, and things are better than ever. I've made a shaky start back on the dieting journey (one stone down, two to go), and yes that wedding zombie mode is back.

But this time around I'm actually glad of it. This is (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I don't want to rush it.

I keep reading, whether in forums or blogs, about the post-wedding blues some brides get after the big day is over. I hope that's not the case for me, and married life is more than enough to put a smile on my face.

But either way I'm going to savour this. I'm planning the biggest and best party I could imagine for me and my mister, and I plan to enjoy every minute leading up to it, during and afterwards.

So bring on the Pinterest boards, the wedding blogs, the bridal forums and the countless Google searches. I only get to do this once, so I may as well make the most of it!

When in doubt...

I'm torn.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I consider myself as having pretty simple tastes. So my* choices for this wedding (now just under nine months away, eek!) have so far steered clear of fussy, frou-frou details.

*By the way, I'm giving up on 'we' unless it's actual reality. It's our wedding, we're getting married etc, but I am most definitely making the vast majority of decisions for the day. I'm realising that this is pretty typical, though I do wish my H2B would occasionally get even a teeny bit enthused about the likes of stationery and favours! But that's another blog post...

Going for the simple option has often also been dictated by our budget, which isn't tiny, but is less than half of the so-called national average.

For example, the first thing we bought for the wedding were some lovely glass pillar candle holders for the table centrepieces (in the Sainsbury's sale at £4 each – and I think they look a lot more expensive than that). From the beginning, I didn't want flowers: as soon as I totted up a realistic wedding budget, I didn't see the point of spending a chunk of it on something that would end up dead and thrown in a bin.

Lotus flower pillar candle holder (Sainsbury's)

So for each table, we will have this glass holder with an Ikea pillar candle (£1.50), popped on a mirror plate (£3.50) along with a few simple Ikea glass tea lights (£1). And I can sell a lot of it on eBay afterwards and make some money back.

That's just one example of many instances where we've opted for something less showy that also keeps costs down. No towering vases stuffed with exotic blooms and succulents for us...

However, as I said before I have become a little obsessed with looking at other wedding pics. And not just the perfect-world ones that appear on ruffledblog and stylemepretty. No, I'm also obsessing about real weddings now.

Last week, an old friend from school whom I've not seen in almost 20 years posted some pics from her wedding on Facebook, and I was immediately scouring them for every last detail: dress, bridesmaids' outfits, men's suits, car, church decorations and so on - purely to see whether our wedding choices are, well, better!

And, even worse, another friend from my home town - who I do actually keep in touch with - is getting married later this month, and there's a rather large part of my brain that is feverishly wondering what she will have as her centerpieces, if they're having favours, whether her dress will look ten times as expensive as mine, and - oh please no - have they booked a photobooth like we have?

But why do I care? All this is doing is making me second-guess all my/our decisions. Like those glass candle holders, which up until this week seemed like the perfect choice. But I'm now starting to fear that they will look small and ineffectual and like we haven't made an effort. I've been fretting over whether I went just a step too far in being practical, and maybe we should have blown a few hundred quid on some gorgeous bouquets in vases after all.

There is still a sane part of my brain, though. And it keeps telling me not to stress about stupid things that probably no one will notice anyway.

Well, apart from the photobooth. I reeeeeally hope they don't have a photobooth. I want ours to be the first wedding among our friends that has a photobooth, dammit! It's myyyyyy photobooooooth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The big dress dilemma

Forget my last post about not panicking. I was clearly under a state of denial.

Yesterday I had my first full-blown wedding panic attack. Well, okay, not an actual panic attack. But an attack of panic. And stress and upset.

It sounds ridiculous now, even to me, but I got in a tizz about the dress. The wedding is 10 months away, so I know I have ages to sort it out. Plus I'm trying to diet (8 pounds lost so far - yay!), so I wasn't planning to go to bridal shops or try anything on until October. But I'm also on a tight budget: I'm hoping to get something for around £300, which I know may not be easy, so I've been looking online. A lot.

As a result, I've discovered that I don't like 95% of wedding gowns. Well, alright, lots of them are exquisite, but I've dismissed them because I'm not a 5'10" size 8 goddess. I know my shape (kind of rectangular, apparently) and fortunately the style of dress I prefer - mermaid - suits it, ie fakes me a waist.

I've also discovered that I have quite expensive tastes. I don't like shiny satin or pouffy netting. I like lace. And lace ain't cheap. I also don't want a strapless dress, mainly because most dresses are, which puts me off a bit, and also because the wedding details so far have emerged (without any engineering by me) as quite '60s in style, so I wanted something a bit vintage-y. And vintage-y usually equals expensive-y.

So imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered a mermaid-style beaded lace wedding dress within my budget. Actually, £50 below my budget. It's on eBay, which did set alarm bells ringing. But the seller is a UK-based dressmaker with a proper website, including customer pics and testimonials. And I emailed her past eBay buyers who'd left feedback and I've had 100% positive responses. So all was looking good.

Until I got into the nitty-gritty of the dress's fabric and beading (I asked for samples, photos, descriptions). And to cut a long story short, I'm now worried that the final finish of the dress won't look as good as the pictures suggest. Cue the attack of panic.

To top it all off, one of my bridesmaids emailed me about a pair of shoes she'd like to wear for the wedding (we're paying for the dresses but the girls are sorting their accessories). The shoes are lovely: silver satin peep-toes, £110. I emailed back saying they were gorgeous and to go for it.

And then I felt even more awful. It took me a few hours to figure out why, and then it hit me. There I was fretting over a £250 dress and taking a gamble over the quality and so on, when my bridesmaids were picking out fabulous shoes that cost nearly half as much. My own bridal shoes probably won't cost 50 quid! So I added a load of self-pity onto the panic.

And that wasn't actually the worst part. Okay, so I wrote off a weekend with worry, fretting and gloom. But today I discussed my concerns with the dressmaker and she is happy to make some adjustments to the beading, swapping out the cheaper sequins for more expensive crystals. (I'll have to pay a bit extra, but I don't mind that.)

No, the worst part is that, during my weekend of panic, I went and looked at a whole load of other wedding dresses. And I found myself a different one. This dress is from a 'proper' bridal gown designer, is also mermaid style, taffeta with lace appliqué, and a very '60s neckline (sweetheart with slightly off-the-shoulder straps). However, it's only available in the US and, after import duties and such like, would be double my budget!

However, it is gorgeous and of course is on a fabulous looking model (who probably weighs the same as my left leg!), whereas the eBay one is pictured on a dressmaker's dummy, so just doesn't have the same appeal by comparison. The dress that I was over-the-moon excited about last week, now looks just a slight bit mumsy. Mumsy! Who wants to look mumsy on their wedding day?!!

So now I'm stuck. Do I order the eBay one anyway, and hope for the best? Or do I bust my budget and splash out on the other one (which is also a gamble in itself, as I can't try it on or see before I buy either)? Or do I forget them both, and go down the old-fashioned route of bridal-shop shopping?

And this from a grown woman who lives in jeans and trainers. I'm not sure I can take 10 months of this!!!